Last night I did about the hardest thing I have ever done: I took a singing lesson. Now, for some of you, singing in front of someone is no big deal. And you probably can't fathom why this would strike terror in my heart. I don't think I fully understand it myself, except for the fact that I have been told my whole life I cannot sing ("You should really focus on playing an instrument, Erin"). Most women have a higher voice than me, so, for someone who is probably an alto, trying to match the pitch of a soprano feels like torture, sounds like torture, and probably is torture. The reality of the situation is that I haven't ever been taught how to properly sing. I have NO IDEA what I am doing. And, for someone who fears failure as much as I do, there is a very real possibility of failing here big time.
Gretchen was great in our singing lessons. Very encouraging, as I knew she would be. And, I wasn't half as bad as I thought I would be. My years of playing an instrument have allowed me to hear a note and be able to match it pretty well. I am, however, holding back. I am not opening my mouth enough, or singing loud enough. Gretchen said that there is a voice in there somewhere and it's her job to help get it out. We have something to work with here, people!
Now, you may also be wondering how in the world I came to be taking these voice lessons. Because there's no way this was my idea on my own :-) I have been writing songs for some months now and emailing them to our pastor Brian, and the worship pastor Aaron. They have both been extremely encouraging. Brian to the point where he was ready to have me leading worship with the little kids each week. When he heard that my singing experience was about zero and that the only instrument I play is the violin (awfully hard to lead worship while playing the violin) he suggested I join the choir. And thus, terror struck! "Me, sing?!!" I think were my exact thoughts. Probably followed by maniacal laughter. Then I realized.....this is an area I has been closed off for my whole life. Maybe, just maybe I have been writing these songs for a bigger purpose. In my mind I just thought Aaron would take them and HE would be the one to sing them. I was content with that. It seems the Lord has other purposes and plans. We'll see where He takes me.