Thursday, June 24, 2010

Humility is....

...when the person you are interested in getting to know better doesn't seem to even want to talk to you, much less want to get to know YOU better too.

...when you react badly to a situation, handle it with not a lot of grace and the person you've wounded won't speak with you, have anything to do with you, blocks all contact with you and generally  hates your guts, though you've attempted to apologize.

...when the job you are qualified for doesn't even net you an interview, much less an offer of employment.

...when you stand up and give your testimony of your journey into better health in front of 200plus people, and then three years later weigh 20 pounds more than you did back then.

...when  you realize that you aren't in contact with almost everyone whose wedding you've ever been a bridesmaid in.

...when you find your first gray hair, even if it's in your eyebrow.

...when you used to be an all-star softball player and due to a torn rotator cuff, now can't do more than underhand the ball to someone.

...when your brother asks if you want to be a "nun or something" and all you can do is smile.

...when you walk around the grocery store with a calculator so you don't go even a cent over your food budget for the week.

...when you get a letter from the city saying you'll be fined if you don't weed wack the weeds in the alley behind your house.

...when you've been in a position of leadership, and now you're not even in the game, much less leading anything.

Oh, blessed life, how you always serve to keep us humble.


Monday, June 21, 2010

That's What I Like About You (or in this case, me)

About a year or so ago there was a phenomenon on facebook where you were supposed to list 25 things about yourself that no one but you might know.  I thought this was a fun list to make and I did one. 

Last night, I went to bed and I was tossing and turning and could not fall asleep.  I am determined to kick this "thing" in the teeth.  One of the things that the Lord said to me as I was tossing and turning was to make a list.  This list is not like the 25 things no one knows about me...this list is all of the things that are great about me, that I like (or should like) about myself....all of the things that make me, me.

So, at the risk of coming across as bragging or full of myself, I am going to list things I like about myself, or that I think and I am going to *try* not to put any kind of caveat or any negative thing on here.

1.  I have a quick and infectious smile.
2.  My laugh is unique and it comes easily.
3.  I care VERY deeply about things and people, even people who are not in my life any longer or people who are not in my close circle of friends.   
4.  Once I have given my heart to something or someone, it is almost impossible for me to take it back.
5.  I am one of the most loyal people I know.
6.  I *hate* injustice with a passion.  I really, really, really hate injustice.
7.  I believe doing the right thing is more important than doing the easiest thing, at the risk of self-expense.
8.  I am one of the most responsible people I know...and I will not break my word if there is any way I can help it.
9.  I am gifted with wisdom and knowing right from wrong.
10.  I am gifted in teaching, and not just kids.
11.  I am analytical and love fully understanding things.
12.  If I believe in something, it's because I have taken the time to really understand...I don't just blindly follow.
13.  I *hate* when people do not get along...I am a peacemaker.
14.  I *hate* false-ness.....I try to be the kind of person that is exactly what you see, I am sincere and heartfelt.
15.  I love listening to people and really *hearing* them. 
16.  I try as hard as possible to take people individually and love them where they are.
17. I love being able to explain things to people and watch them "get it."
18.  I am passionate about the things I love and I am committed to them and do not like quitting or giving up on them.
19.  I love animals.
20.  I love sports....I love figuring out rules and strategy.
21.  I am uber responsible, but I have a huge wild streak too which leads me to do crazy things like quit great jobs to nanny in England, or travel to Europe for 3 months.....or other things.
22.  I love the nations.  I love people in the nations.  I have fallen in love with every people group in every nation I have ever been to. 
23.  I'm like a mother hen...I take people under my wing.
24.  I love seeing people's hearts and not just looking with my physical eyes, but really getting to know people.
25.  I love trying food from different places, it's maybe my favorite thing about travel.
26.  I love reading.
27.  I rescue things....even spiders from my house are not immune....I tend to root for the underdog.
28.  I believe communication can solve a lot of problems. If we'd just talk instead of assuming, a lot could be fixed.
29.  I love kids and I am not afraid to just get on the floor and play with them.
30.  I *love* my nephews.  Passionately.
31. I am good at figuring things out....movies that surprise me at the end are my favorites because I can usually see the plot to most movies a mile if they can surprise me, I'm hooked (think "sixth sense").
32.  My all time favorite movies, though, are those based on true historical events or based off of literature....Amazing Grace, Young Victoria, Miracle, Blind Side...all faves.
33.  I love exploring a place and learning all I can about it.  I never met a museum I didn't want to explore...learning new things constantly is stimulating to me.
34.  I love nature....bird-watching, gardening, camping, hiking....all faves.
35.  I love coffee. 
36.  I love spending quality time with's my love language.

Well, I think that's all for now.  That's my off-the-top-of-my-head list.  I'm sure there's more, but it's a start. I am GOING to have victory over this area of insignificance....I may be fighting it on my deathbed, but if I go down, I'm going to go down fighting.


Sunday, June 20, 2010

Blessed Be....

There is no other worship that is more pleasing to the Lord than that which comes in spite of difficult circumstances.  To say in the midst of the storm that "God is good, blessed be the name of the Lord" is sweetness to His ears.

Is it the Weather or Just Me?

Sometimes I feel like I have bi-polar disorder.  I'll be humming along just fine and then...crash....I'm in a season where I am brought low again.  We've been having horrible weather here this spring, so I am not sure if that's just put me in a mood, or if it's something deeper within....

I haven't written anything in two weeks because, well, there's not much to write that isn't all melancholy, whiney, or I haven't already written about a thousand times.

I'm *still* in this seemingly endless period of transition.  Just when I think I'm done....I'm not.  And, I'll be honest, I'm ready to be done already.  Three years is starting to feel like an eternity, though I know rationally it's not.  The problem is, I just don't know what I am transitioning *into* and so it feels like I've been doing nothing but waiting, waiting, waiting.....

I know what I'd like to be transitioning into.  I'd like to be transitioning into marriage.  Scratch that.  I think a this point I'd just like to have someone find me attractive enough to *date,* I'd settle for that right now.  I'd like to be transitioning ino financial stability.  I'd like to be transitioning into some friendships.  I'd like to be transitioning into having a purpose beyond administration, or whatever other small box label the world currently has on me. 

Sigh.  I mean transition can't last forever, can it? Waiting can't last forever, can it?  I certainly don't know how men like David waited so long for his transition moment to actually become king, or Joseph to become second in charge, or Job to get his new life, or Abraham to get his Isaac, or Hannah to get her Samuel.....It is a courage and strength I fear daily might be running out, like the oil in the lamps of  some of the virgins waiting for their bridegroom. That scares me most of all.


Monday, June 07, 2010

Everything and Yet Nothing

Do you ever have one of the stretches where you have everything on your mind and yet nothing worth articulating a whole post about.

I am in one of those stretches right now.  I have so much going on in my mind, yet at the same time I feel little need to write.  I am just in a bit of a writer's block.....

So, in no particular order, here's what I have been thinking about the last few weeks:

1.  The BP oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico.  I am sickened and disgusted and annoyed and angered by this whole fiasco.  I find myself crying and weeping over the images coming from this area and I just want to DO something.  Yet, I get in my car every day and drive it somewhere.  I am just as much a part of the problem as BP.  They only exist because we need what they have.  I seriously am just burdened by what we are doing to our planet.  Sometimes I feel like a freak because no one I know seems to feel the same way, execept the folks I work with.  We are killing our planet and the mother's heart in me just weeps when I see what we are doing. I am not one to post a whole lot of political things on this blog, but this situation for me just has me fuming and I am fuming at just how "head in the sand" so many people in this country are about this issue.

2.  Law School is still a huge burden too.  I have decided I am going to apply, however I can apply and take the LSAT in December (not Oct) and be OK....this gives me the summer to save up some money for a Kaplan course and focus this fall on my application the LSAT at a time that is less busy.

3.  I am still in my season of intense loneliness. I am realizing that my busy-ness over the last few months has been my bandaid to not deal with how alone I feel 99% of the time.  You know, for me, when I cannot find significance in simply in who I am and the One who made me, I tend to turn to activities to find my significance.  Now that many of the things on my list from a few posts ago are being checked off, I am faced yet again with just how much I long for a family, and just how few friends I have in my life right now.

4.  Our lives are a Divine-Human cooperative.  The percent of direction that is the hand of God, and the percent that is us, I believe, changes from situation to situation.  I think that sometimes you have a situation that is 100% God intervening and directing...His determined will for something to happen.  At other times I believe He takes His hand almost completely off of the situation and it is our own free will that determines the direction of our lives and His involvement is perhaps as little as 1%.  Those two ends of the spectrum allow for lots of percentages in between 100% and 1%. 

I've been thinking then....if my life is not going the way I had hoped and dreamed, that leaves two options: a. either it's been God who's been preventing things from going "my" way or b. it's my own bumbling and fumbling that's been preventing it.

This has left me in a little of a bind.  I either blame God, or I turn inward and blame myself.  Neither option is really great, but I think it helps me to understand the "up and down" nature of my faith. 

Perhaps I'll write more on one of these topics at some point.  Or, not.


Tuesday, June 01, 2010

Becky, Brady and Kason

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Kason and Brady

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My knight on a white horse

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He Even Does Dishes

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