Tuesday, February 07, 2012

Blogging Conundrum

So, obviously, I have not written a blog post, a REAL blog post in quite some time.  I have, actually, done this quite deliberately and quite purposefully.  Truth be told, I have learned a few things along the way the last six to seven months or so, and it has affected my desire to post.

1.  I am not sure what of myself I actually want to be out in cyber space so publicly.  With all of the social media that's out there right now, life, it seems, for most people is lived pretty open and public.  However, if you put something out there, it's likened to making an announcement in a crowded room....people can overhear and are free to comment.  I am still in the midst of an internal debate with myself about what I actually want out as public knowledge. There are people who read my blog (not any of my 'subscribers') that I honestly don't want reading my blog.  Ultimately, what I want is real relationships with real people, not people reading about me and believing that this is actually the same as being in my life.

2.  I am still not sure what, exactly, my blog is about.  Sometimes I post stuff about myself personally.  I have posted links to articles that others have written, or even written blogs myself in response to one thing or another going on out in the world that I felt I had something to say about.  This lack of focus of my blog has been the major reason why I have blogged in fits rather than consistently.

3.  Sometimes, saying the same thing over and over gets redundant.  Life is in constant change and my life is no different.  However, some of the major themes of my last few years of blogging have not changed much.  Even I get tired of  writing about the same things.  If my blog were more of a "day-to-day" in the life of Erin, it might be a different story.  Then, I would post about the mundane things that change, rather than the "big ticket" items. 

4.  Sometimes, no a LOT of times, I am really intimidated by the blogs of people that I subscribe to. Some of those blogs are even listed here should you chose to click on them.  I am not a missionary to a third-world country.  I'm not raising a huge family and writing all about the cool crafts or lessons I am teaching my kids.  I am not ministering to inner-city kids every week.  I am not...well, you get the picture. 

Sometimes when I open my blog and I start reading through my blog roll, or when I click on a blog that I have "favorited" on my computer I start to wonder, "What the heck am I doing that I would even write about?"  Speaking as someone who has struggled most of her life off and on with significance, coming face-to-face with all that others are doing is well, frankly, discouraging.  The last year or so has been a real journey for me in coming to terms with being OK with just being ME...with no other adjective to add on.  There are many days when I just know that coming to my blog to post is going to be a battle of comparison.   For this reason, should I continue to post, I might drop the blog list on the side.  We'll see.

There you have it, cyberspace and my 11 readers.  If you have any thoughts or feedback, I'd love to hear.