Friday, November 17, 2006

Came to My Rescue

Falling on my knees in worship
Giving all I am to seek Your face
Lord all I am is is Yours
My whole life I place in Your hands
God of mercy
Humbled I bow down
In your presence at Your throne

I called You answered
And You came to my rescue and I
I wanna be where You are

In my life be lifted high
In our world be lifted high
In our love be lifted high

None But Jesus

In the quiet, in the stillness
I know that You are God
In the secret of Your presence
I know there I am restored
When You call I won’t refuse
Each new day again
I’ll choose

There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I liveto bring Him praise

In the chaos, in confusion
I know You’re Sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do Your will
When You call I won’t delay
This my song through all my days

All my delight is in You Lord
All of my hope, all of my strength
All my delight is in You Lord Forevermore

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Not Much New to Post

I don't have a lot of updates regarding things in my life. But, just felt the need to post about how in love with the Lord I have been this last month or so! I am tearing up right now at just HOW GOOD He is. This has been at the heart of my battle over so many things and to get a glimpse of breakthrough has just been so refreshing. I have written in the past how I have not understood my need for grace, and finally, I get it. The practicals of what that looks like are that I yearn for time with Him like I have not yearned since I was in college, my worship is sweeter than it has ever been, and cannot seem to contain myself. Which, in my opinion, is how it should be. Those who really understand what they have been saved from cannot seem to NOT tell people. I can hardly make it through a day without spending time with the Lord or pouring myself out. Before this breakthrough, my distrust in the goodness of Jesus made it so hard to spend that time, even though I knew I should, it made everything in life feel so much like a chore. It was all I could do to just get through, just survive. What misery I was in and though I knew I was miserable, there was not a thing I could do about it, it seemed. I would have small victories here and there, but nothing major. Now, I feel major victory!

I have written of my struggles with insignificance and fear of failure. These also stem from not fully grasping how pleased with me Jesus is, and how in love with me He is. I have started to understand what I have been saved from, how little I have deserve it and I have started to see that anyone who would take me, save me, rescue me the way I have been cannot have anything but real, pure, unconditional, absolute love for me! Who would save me in the state I was in unless they loved me that much? When I see that love, I see myself through His eyes. Not a prideful thing, but a real humility before the Lord in agreeing with Him: "Yes, Jesus, you know better than me!" A real understanding of that love also makes my fear flee: perfect love (Jesus' love) drives out fear. What is there to be afraid if, if my God can rescue me from the pit, how much more can He do? How can I not worship and adore someone who loves me so much, who has saved me from so much?

I see how absolutely rescued have been, and as I have seen the truth of the God who does that rescuing, I have gained a new perspective: God IS good! How can He be anything but good when He has done so much for me?

I unwaveringly praise Him that I am not in London, and I praise Him for how hard it was not to go. That was probably the lowest two months of my life which followed the numbest, deadest three years of my life. That two month low allowed me to really see what I was really capable of: a real hatred for God. I saw for perhaps the first time just how incredibly wicked this heart of mine really is. Really. All the pretending I have been so good at doing because I have been raised in the church was gone. And I was left raw and exposed for the first time. I really believe I needed to sink that low so that the Lord could raise me up. I now understand grace so much: in the moment when I KNOW I least deserved it, He came and utterly and completely saved me. Saved me from myself, saved me from sure destruction, saved me from death. How is that possible? It was absolutely NOTHING I did. I was behaving like a spoiled, angry four-year-old child, and yet in the midst of that, my God came through for me. I cannot begin to tell you what that grace feels like. I have never known it like I know it now. And I never want to let it go.

Thank you Jesus for saving me. You did it the first time when I was seven, and you continue to rescue me again and again. In spite of my sin, in spite of my gross-ness, you have come to rescue me. Amazing grace indeed!

There are a few songs that have just ministered to me in this season:
Resecue is Coming by David Crowder
Came to my Rescue by Hillsong United
Mighty to Save by Hillsong

I highly recommend them. Erin

Friday, November 10, 2006

After 40 days and 40 nights

It is still raining here in Washington. No signs of letting up until June. hee hee. Actually there have a been a few breaks here and there and the flood waters are receding. There is a state of emergency declared in 18 counties in Washington right now. Luckily, I can't get up much higher in Tacoma than I am right now. Seriously, I think I am at the highest point in the city. My garage has some ground water seepage, but otherwise, I am pretty high and dry.

No school today due to Veteran's Day, but I do have work at the church. Should be a quiet day over all.

I am still sick. In fact, I am almost certain I have a sinus infection. Hrmph. If I don't start getting better soon, I will have to go to the Dr for some meds.

In other news, I now have a third roommate. Her name is Kristie and she is 29 and works for World Vision. She's a neat gal and just feels like a "fit." Ya know? She's moved around a ton and doesn't have much stuff, so she fits upstairs with me quite well except for the fact that she is 5'8" and probably wil hit her head on the sloping ceilings a time or two.

Would love it if you would send me an email if I haven't heard from you in a while to let me know how life is.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Anyone brushed up on their Ark-building skills?

It has been raining like cats and dogs around here today. I looked out the window this afternoon and it looked like a river was flowing through the parking lot of our office building. Yikes!

Things here are going well. I am a bit under the weather with some strange thing that only seems to be making me cough. No other symptom other than cough. Well, let's also count the ever present fatigue as a symptom too, though that has been around for over a month now. I think if the cough lasts too much longer, I will head to the Dr. I am probably due for some blood work again, just to be sure I am still functioning as I should be. Plus, it might be nice for an "official" weigh-in to see where I am at with that. The last time I got on any kind of official scale I was at my goal weight, but I think I have lost a few more pounds since then. Not necessarily on purpose, but because I think I am still figuring out how to eat to maintain rather than eat to lose. There is a bit of fear there that I need breakthrough in. Fear of gaining the weight back.

Some of that is a healthy kind of fear.....I will have to "watch my weight" for the rest of my life. Genetically, I am pre-disposed to being heavy, statistics say that 95% of people who lose weight regain it, and in our American food-obsessed culture, it is everywhere! Anyway, I think at last semi-official weigh I had lost about 48 lbs. total. I am somewhere hovering where I was when I graduated from High School. I will post a pic or two of me tonight as well. Pastor Brian told me I was "drop dead gorgeous" (I blushed) and Bruce, one of the elders at our church told me I was "a catch" and "stunning." I think the words "model" even crossed their lips. It is an area I have to start agreeing with the Lord about (my beauty) because I am still carrying myself as though I were not. Not that it would be a prideful thing, but something the Lord has spoken to, and if He says it.....our only option is to agree with it! It is something hard to wrap my mind around sometimes.....I have spent most of my life believing one thing about myself and habits are hard to break. So circumstances change, but you live as though they haven't. You know? When you are 50 pounds overweight, you just live differently. Not that I wasn't beautiful before, but it is like a precious piece of jewelry that has polished....I am still just as beautiful, I am just polished off now...

Anyway, the preschool is still going well. It is funny how there are ebbs and flows to things. A month ago I would have told you that I enjoyed the four and five year old class more than the threes. Now, I have changed my mind. The 4/5s are all seeming to be going through a "testing authority" phase all at the same time. It is not blatant rebellion, rather much more passive rebellion.....not obeying right away the first time, or obeying and then five minutes later going back to the same thing. So, discipline is becoming a more regular part of some kids' day. The 3s on the other hand are just starting to hit their stride. They know the routine and are learning so quickly and changing so fast....they have grown up so much in the last two months. The wild and crazy behavior of the first month is gone. Oh, they still have moments, but they are getting it, and it is fun to see.

We have been learning letters (we are on "d" now), all about fall (we went to a pumpkin patch!), and we have been having a fun time.

My other job is going well too....very busy. I think I could easily put in 30 hours a week there, if not more. It makes the afternoons go by fast.

Discipleship/small group stuff is going well. I still have two gals, and I have been strategic about meeting and inviting others. Jena calls it "fishing" for disciples. It has been fun to change my mind about small group. I used to think that the church would just give me a group. And, up until recently, that has been what we have done. But they are changing. If you want a small group, you have to go out and meet gals at the church and invite them along. So, I have two, and a third "potential" in the works. This way is so much more fun. When you meet someone new that you click with, you just bring them along. This is exactly what happened to me when I was in college.....someone just invited me along! Bingo! It gives me something to be strategic about when I go to church.....who can I meet? Who needs a friend? Who is new? Rather than going to church just to go, there is a purpose. I have a vision and a strategy for getting that vision!

House is good too...still just three of us instead of four....waiting for the "right" person to fit with our group. Also starting to work on some small projects that have needed working on for a while. Like, finishing up some front yard work, and replacing the front door (which is cracked). Nothing major like I have been doing before. I think I am done with all the major stuff.

Ok, here are a few pics from London wedding (Jess and James), if I can get them to upload.