Monday, October 31, 2005

Pouring yourself out

This was a ministry weekend. Really, honestly, it has been a ministry month or so. I don't think I posted about it when it happened, but about two weeks after I got back from London this summer, Brian and Christy snagged about eight of us gals from chuch one Tues. night to pray for us all. I guess they had been on vacation in Florida and Brian had a dream about us....and their whole vacation, they could not get us out of their heads. How crazy is that? That our pastor and his wife would be thinking about me while of vacation in Florida?

At any rate, one of the things that came up with us all is that we are not living like we are in our callings. Not that we don't believe it will happen some day, but that we are to start living like we are doing our very calling today. A great example would be Gideon. When the Lord appeared to him, he was called "mighty warrior." Not, "someday you'll be a mighty warrior." Instead, he was told you are this very thing RIGHT NOW! It rocked me to think of all the ways I am still living like my calling is way out there and that I am just marking time until it happens instead of owning it RIGHT NOW. I have always wanted to be a "teacher" in the Biblical sense of the word. Not necessarily in the classroom, but up in front of women teaching them freedom and restoration and practical living skills etc. And, during this prayer time, the Lord said to me: "Erin, you are not just a teacher, you are a PRINCIPAL." It rocked me. If I am called to be a teacher and a pastor's wife, how can I today be living my life like a pastor's wife would?

How it has changed me is that literally every person who walks through the doors of our church is meaningful to me. And, I find myself asking myself how I can serve them. Hurting people are no longer someone else's concern, they are MY concern. People who need prayer are not some other team's, they are MINE. Literally, I have been going, going, going in ministry the last month and a half or so. Who can I meet with? How can I give my time away? Who needs prayer? Who needs a ride to church? You need help with the harvest party? Sign me up to help. And, what I have found, is that I am more invigorated, more energized, and more alive than ever. When I have quit making excuses for all the ways I can't do it, or I am not good enough, or I don't have the time, or blah, blah, blah....I see that I CAN do it. And the Lord has met me there each and every time.

It is so easy to have an inward focus. "I don't want to pray after church....I want to go hang out with friends." "I don't want to meet with my small group, that's the night 'Gilmore Girls' is on." " I don't want to help at the harvest party for the kids, there's another fun party to go to for adults." "I don't want to live with someone new to freedom, I like being able to come home and not have to work." and on and on. But, the Lord has called us to have an OUTWARD focus. My life is not my own, it was bought at a price, and when I count the cost of being poured out as an offering to God, I discount all that the Lord poured out of Himself for me.

On a more silly note, I lost half a pound at WW this week. Pretty good considering I had Italian four times (ate out twice, leftovers twice), two glasses of wine, and stir fry this week.

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