Saturday, March 03, 2007


I am now officially a "retired" preschool director. I had my last day with the 3-year-olds on Thursday and my last day with the 4-year-olds on Friday. We had a bit of a "party" on Thursday. I got some flowers and cards from the kids, but and even bigger "party" on Friday. This came complete with yummy brownie bites, gifts, balloons etc. It was so cute. I don't think a lot of them really realize that I am done there. I don't think *I* fully realize that I am done there. I think it will hit me more on Monday when I don't have to get up early. I pretty much held it together emotionally until the very end when I got a picture book from Erika, and then when I had to say goodbye. I will miss those kids so much. It is amazing how much I love them!

We also hired someone at my other part time job. I start training her on Monday. It should be good to transition out of that job, too. I love working with all the guys at that church and in the office, but I am for sure ready to move on.

I leave for Korea a week from Tuesday. I will be gone for nine days. We are spending our whole trip in Seoul. However, we have discovered that we will be staying in a hotel. That is good! I don't think I have had a ton of time to really process that I am leaving in basically a week for a whole different country. If you think about it, be praying. I have had some funky weird dreams lately regarding the trip. I won't go into details, but let's just say I have a feeling intercession is needed!

I have not been able to get a hold of any recordings of my talk from the conference. I keep hearing from people how great it was, though. And that is encouraging. We are still continuing with our four-week follow up classes and I am teaching the first of them today. I am not as nervous at all as I was for the conference, but I am still I think overly worried about it. This has been such an area of needing breakthrough! I have been so fearful! I HATE it! It is not like me to be such a woman of fear. And, it is fear based in absolutely nothing! I am afraid of messing up, afraid of saying something wrong, afraid of people saying that I am not a good teacher and shouldn't be doing it any more, afraid that this is my ONE opportunity to teach and I'll never get to do it again, afraid of what leadership will think about me, afraid that people will change their minds about me, blah, blah, blah, blah.....ICK! And, it is not just this one area that I am fearful about....Korea, my new job, being a good small group leader....

The bottom line is, that I have not been trusting the Lord. Period. There is no other way to put it. Not only that, I have been so concerned about what others think of me, and idolizing their opinions that I have not cared at all what the Lord says about how I am doing. This has led to so much self-focus, and I have wounded at least one friend with my actions. You know when you are consumed with what people think of you, you at times hurt those around you. This is what has happened. In my zeal to be noticed and thought highly of by those who's opinion "matters" I have pushed away those who love me most. I have needed to ask forgiveness a lot lately. I have been humbled.

If you are someone in my life that I have overlooked lately, I extend my sincerest apology.

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