I haven't written in a while, OK, a LONG while. This isn't because I don't have thoughts going, on. In fact, just the opposite. I have so many thoughts swirling that I have been a bit "paralyzed" on what to write down.
I am still firmly on my journey of peace. It has been tempting, as it always is, when a measure of peace comes to begin to fall back into things that used to "work" before. My softball coach used to say that it took 60 days to start a new habit when he would try to teach us something new. Sixty days for something to become a part of who you are and not to have to think about it any longer.
Sports analogies always seem to help explain what's going on with my life. So, I would describe my season as having taken myself out of the game, so to speak.
I liken my life prior to this as being in a softball game, but sitting on the bench. I was like a little kid hopping up and down saying, "put me in coach!" Whether it was in relationships or ministry or any aspect of life, really....I never really felt like I was actually in the game and "making plays." I wrote about this same feeling a while ago regarding singleness (http://erinintacoma.blogspot.com/2010/01/pick-me-pick-me.html), but really the feeling had extended into almost every area of life.
The disappointment of constantly being overlooked had just become too much. So, I have taken myself out of the game and put myself up in the spectator section for a while.
In this season of sitting things out, I am finding out a lot about myself....what I am truly interested and passionate about, what I truly think of myself, what I truly think of the Lord, which friends are *truly* there for me, and a lot else. I am discovering I'm pretty opinionated, that it really feels a LOT better when you just don't give a flying flea what anyone else thinks of you, that it is OK if people misunderstand you...and a whole lot more.
It is strange to be re-discovering these things right now, but I am finding that there's no such thing as a life that doesn't constantly have you learning and growing...and taking 60 (or more) days to learn a new habit.