My birthday is coming up. In fact, I'll be in Turkey on the big day. And, I say "big day" because it's one of those birthdays with a 0 or a 5 that the world determines means it's important. However, I am not excited to celebrate this at all. I am secretly relieved that I'll be out of town and won't be around for folks to make a big deal out of this. I even emailed a friend, who is super gifted at blessing people on their birthday specifically to tell her that I don't want her to plan anything.
If this was just about my birthday, I might think this was nothing more than feeling poorly about getting older. However, something else happened recently that makes me wonder if there's more going on. Let me explain.
I am a part of a few ministries. One of them is local, the other, global. One of these ministries would like to put my picture with a short bio up on a website. I literally want nothing to do with this. Others already have their bios and pictures up. I was hoping no one would remember to ask me for mine. I literally could care less if my name or bio is anywhere on this website at all.
This feeling is totally and completely foreign to me. I usually swing in completely the opposite direction, demanding that I be acknowledged for what I have done and feeling overlooked and unimportant if this doesn't happen.
It has surfaced some questions within me about the difference between in all humility not caring whether others know what you've done on one hand, and being genuinely honored on the other. Bob Sorge wrote a book called "Fear and the Praise of Man." I think I need to re-read this and glean some answers.
I am certain there is some small issue there, especially regarding my birthday, about already feeling forgotten and not wanting to get my hopes up (actually this theme plays out in a lot of areas, especially in romantic hopes) and then being disappointed.
Any faithful readers have any thoughts on this subject?
Erin
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