It is always a marvel to me how circumstances in life can be such a mix of pain and pleasure. I have heard once that the particular area of the brain that houses pain receptors is thisclose to the part the has pleasure receptors too. I know that this is referring to physical pain/pleasure, but I think there is a spiritual context here too.
I have now been officially asked to come and work for the church. I have not given my answer yet (so no spilling the beans any New Song readers), as I am to meet with our Associate Pastor, Chris, later this week to discuss some things. But, I am almost certain my answer will be "yes." So, the "pleasure" part of this is that I will be able to more greatly pursue a part of my heart's passion and move into a deeper work of my calling that has seemed so far out of reach until now. I will get to help see our ministry spread more globally and more locally. I will be on the front lines of all that the Lord is doing in our midst. I am incredibly blessed and excited to do so and more than a wee bit scared, but that is a subject for a different post.
The pain part comes in, and really, I have been teary all day about it, because the talk has been about me starting in April. That means leaving the kids at the school soon, like my last day being right before I leave for Korea. That means not seeing the school actually become a school and being a part of the kid's lives any more. That tears my heart up just a bit. I have fallen in love with those kids and I just can't seem to think of leaving them. How my heart has changed in the last six months!!
One of the things the Lord has said about me is that I have an ability to be a "foundation layer." I can go into a place/situation/etc. and lay a solid foundation so that others can build off of what I have done and then I can move on to the next thing.
The deal is that this is the first thing that I have actually done that with and leaving the school in its "infancy" is a lot harder than I thought it would be. I feel similar to someone who is handing their child off to someone else to raise. Not that I can even begin to comprehend the pain of that, but that is what I liken it to.
The same goes for my job at Harborview. I am JUST starting to feel like I have my feet under me as far as what I am doing and getting things straightened out, and to think about leaving pains me a bit. Will the new person do XYZ right? Will they be able to handle ___? Will they have the right vision for the job etc.?
Now all of this is simply me stressing and worrying right now. I just want to do the right thing, and if that means leaving those things for the next thing, I will do it with joy. I am being called right now to exercise my trust in the Lord that He has all of my questions answered and all of the things I am thinking about under control. That feels good to know. I trust Him completely....look how things have turned out since London? How hard that was yet the bounty of fruit in my life that has happened by my obedience. So, I know as long as my heart is to obey, things will be fine.
I am just a little sad today, and I am certain that is OK. Ecclesiastes talks about there being a time to mourn, and I am mourning a bit today.
Erin
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Monday, January 22, 2007
I almost forgot a BUNCH of stuff
This weekend was also full of new things regarding the school and Korea, and just stuff in general.
Let me start with Thursday night: Discipleship night at church I got there early so that I could speak with Jena about our class on health. I told her some of the details on what Peggy, Linda and I had received in prayer and she was gung-ho. What we are looking at doing is having a women's "conference" on a Friday and Saturday and follow-up with a four to six week class after the conference. She is still talking about me giving my testimony. I must say, I am filled both with complete and utter excitement and probably equal measure of terror. It is absolutely what I am made to do (teach and preach) but it still fills me with fear when I think of doing it. BUT, it is a good area to have some major breakthrough in....someday I will be doing this regularly, so it's time to get on the ball!
Thursday was also just convicting because we are starting to go through a series of videos put out by Reinhard Bonnke (do a google search on him, you'll be amazed) on evangelism and the love of the Father. Just so convicted that night on my continued lack of understanding regarding Jesus' love for us, and how evangelism is a calling for ALL believers. I had an encounter there with a gal named Julie who woks at the homeless shelter here in Tacoma and she was saying how inadequate she felt to do the job. Now, knowing this gal, she is the MOST equipped person I know for the job that she is doing. I just felt prompted by the Lord to encourage her and tell her so. I didn't think much of it at the time, as my words were simple and fairly brief, but I found out later from a mutual friend that they completely ministered to her. It is cool what the Lord does with things when your heart is to obey.
Saturday, Erika and I (preschool co-director) are helping in the preschool room at church to get it "ship-shape" after some changing that has happened in kid's ministry. So, I was not in the service. But, I did catch Pastor Brian after the service and asked him about the Korea trip. (which, by the way, is more than likely happening after deciding the only way both Erika and I can go is to switch Spring Break to a that last week in March so we can go.) It turns out that the trip is a women's prayer conference. Brian had met the lady in charge of it on a previous trip to the Kona YWAM base and she had emailed him to see if he and Christy could come. Brian told her they couldnt' and that the money would be too expensive for most people. To this she responded that they would PAY for four people to come. So, believing this to be from the Lord, Brian prayed and heard the names of the four of us who are going.
So, as we are talking Brian says to me: "Can I just hand this thing over to you and you can coordinate with the gal in Korea to get it all set up?" So, now not only am I going, not only will I be helping to teach and lead the trip when we GET there, I am in charge of GETTING us there! Basically Brian believes that the four of us are ready for the next step: doing the whole deal ourselves!! Holy Hooky-Lau (to quote Erika).
Then as if this isn't enough, Brian starts talking to me about the preschool and how necessary it feels to have a Kindergarten next year and can we work on there being one? To which I answer, Yes, we are already working on it! Kyle G. is helping us get everything set up.
Then, Brian says basically: are you sure you are called to the school and not to more international stuff? A bunch of us were just talking and thinking Kyle might be great for the school and you could come and work for us at the office and do international ministry. How would you feel about that?
Actually, at peace. That has always, always, always been my heart. From the time I was a little gal and took my first trip anywhere (which was Phoenix, by the way), I have always felt two things: missions, pastor. And, what he is telling me is that sooner rather than later, I might get to do BOTH! Now, all of this stuff about working for the church vs. the school is ALL just talk right now. So for those of you from New Song who read this, please know that NOTHING is officially happening with it. It is just crazy to think about!!
I could hardly sleep Saturday night thinking about traveling and what that could mean, but also fretting: "am I ready to give up this school?" The Lord has absolutely made me fall in love with these kids, and I am not sure I am ready to give them up. I also feel like could I really leave the school when it is in such a "baby" phase, when it's so new and barely getting started? So, I am still wrestling with these questions and wondering what purpose the Lord migh have in having me give so much to start something, only to leave it after such a short time. One of my original design posts is that I am a foundation layer, but is this foundation truly set?
Sunday Erika and I met to plan for our week, and then met with the generals of the preschool room to share some observations. After this meeting, there was another for all children's workers. Now, I am not on a ministry team, but I just felt I needed to stay. So many encouraging thngs are happening at our children's ministry, and I have been battling the feeling that it is insignificant....and just felt the Lord say: if you want victory in knowing the significance of children's ministry, you need to stay. Lots of stuff about the school: how we need one to be able to minister to these kids all week.
Couldn't sleep Sunday night either and I came into the preschool today to hear Erika had not either. So, when Christy came to pick Joshua up, we snagged her, lots of good stuff about how we can't look back after we have made a decision because if we have done it with the right heart, it will be blessed. Good stuff.
Anyway, I hope you all are having a blessed day!
Erin
Let me start with Thursday night: Discipleship night at church I got there early so that I could speak with Jena about our class on health. I told her some of the details on what Peggy, Linda and I had received in prayer and she was gung-ho. What we are looking at doing is having a women's "conference" on a Friday and Saturday and follow-up with a four to six week class after the conference. She is still talking about me giving my testimony. I must say, I am filled both with complete and utter excitement and probably equal measure of terror. It is absolutely what I am made to do (teach and preach) but it still fills me with fear when I think of doing it. BUT, it is a good area to have some major breakthrough in....someday I will be doing this regularly, so it's time to get on the ball!
Thursday was also just convicting because we are starting to go through a series of videos put out by Reinhard Bonnke (do a google search on him, you'll be amazed) on evangelism and the love of the Father. Just so convicted that night on my continued lack of understanding regarding Jesus' love for us, and how evangelism is a calling for ALL believers. I had an encounter there with a gal named Julie who woks at the homeless shelter here in Tacoma and she was saying how inadequate she felt to do the job. Now, knowing this gal, she is the MOST equipped person I know for the job that she is doing. I just felt prompted by the Lord to encourage her and tell her so. I didn't think much of it at the time, as my words were simple and fairly brief, but I found out later from a mutual friend that they completely ministered to her. It is cool what the Lord does with things when your heart is to obey.
Saturday, Erika and I (preschool co-director) are helping in the preschool room at church to get it "ship-shape" after some changing that has happened in kid's ministry. So, I was not in the service. But, I did catch Pastor Brian after the service and asked him about the Korea trip. (which, by the way, is more than likely happening after deciding the only way both Erika and I can go is to switch Spring Break to a that last week in March so we can go.) It turns out that the trip is a women's prayer conference. Brian had met the lady in charge of it on a previous trip to the Kona YWAM base and she had emailed him to see if he and Christy could come. Brian told her they couldnt' and that the money would be too expensive for most people. To this she responded that they would PAY for four people to come. So, believing this to be from the Lord, Brian prayed and heard the names of the four of us who are going.
So, as we are talking Brian says to me: "Can I just hand this thing over to you and you can coordinate with the gal in Korea to get it all set up?" So, now not only am I going, not only will I be helping to teach and lead the trip when we GET there, I am in charge of GETTING us there! Basically Brian believes that the four of us are ready for the next step: doing the whole deal ourselves!! Holy Hooky-Lau (to quote Erika).
Then as if this isn't enough, Brian starts talking to me about the preschool and how necessary it feels to have a Kindergarten next year and can we work on there being one? To which I answer, Yes, we are already working on it! Kyle G. is helping us get everything set up.
Then, Brian says basically: are you sure you are called to the school and not to more international stuff? A bunch of us were just talking and thinking Kyle might be great for the school and you could come and work for us at the office and do international ministry. How would you feel about that?
Actually, at peace. That has always, always, always been my heart. From the time I was a little gal and took my first trip anywhere (which was Phoenix, by the way), I have always felt two things: missions, pastor. And, what he is telling me is that sooner rather than later, I might get to do BOTH! Now, all of this stuff about working for the church vs. the school is ALL just talk right now. So for those of you from New Song who read this, please know that NOTHING is officially happening with it. It is just crazy to think about!!
I could hardly sleep Saturday night thinking about traveling and what that could mean, but also fretting: "am I ready to give up this school?" The Lord has absolutely made me fall in love with these kids, and I am not sure I am ready to give them up. I also feel like could I really leave the school when it is in such a "baby" phase, when it's so new and barely getting started? So, I am still wrestling with these questions and wondering what purpose the Lord migh have in having me give so much to start something, only to leave it after such a short time. One of my original design posts is that I am a foundation layer, but is this foundation truly set?
Sunday Erika and I met to plan for our week, and then met with the generals of the preschool room to share some observations. After this meeting, there was another for all children's workers. Now, I am not on a ministry team, but I just felt I needed to stay. So many encouraging thngs are happening at our children's ministry, and I have been battling the feeling that it is insignificant....and just felt the Lord say: if you want victory in knowing the significance of children's ministry, you need to stay. Lots of stuff about the school: how we need one to be able to minister to these kids all week.
Couldn't sleep Sunday night either and I came into the preschool today to hear Erika had not either. So, when Christy came to pick Joshua up, we snagged her, lots of good stuff about how we can't look back after we have made a decision because if we have done it with the right heart, it will be blessed. Good stuff.
Anyway, I hope you all are having a blessed day!
Erin
George Mueller
I have been directed by the Lord to do some "George Mueller" type praying this year. For those of you who do not know who he is, he is man who ran an orphanage back in the 1800s. With this orphanage, they pretty much lived day to day. George was an incredible man of faith, however. He would pray, not tell anyone what he needed and then sit back and watch as the Lord provided.
And so, while not listing here what I need, I would love to chronical the year with this as a theme.....what have I received that I have done nothing but pray about. So, keep an eye on this blog for some miracles to occur!
Erin
And so, while not listing here what I need, I would love to chronical the year with this as a theme.....what have I received that I have done nothing but pray about. So, keep an eye on this blog for some miracles to occur!
Erin
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Korea Anyone?
It is funny, on my last post I mentioned that I just felt like something was about to happen...well, it has. I got an email today from Pastor Brian. The two YWAM bases in South Korea want a couple of folks to come out and teach and lead a prayer ministry time for them this March. I have been asked to go. Not just go, but lead and teach the time. PLUS, this will all be paid for. It will be a ten-day trip, three days in Seoul and three days in Pusan with travel time in there too. All paid for! PLUS, getting to do the teaching! Woo hoo! I mean, I think this trip will actually be more for my own growth and breakthrough than the Koreans'!
In addition, I with two other women from our church have put together a whole class on health and nutrition etc. stuff and have submitted it to Brian as something we might take the women through this Spring. I have not heard back yet, but Jena Hippe, Associate Pastor's wife, is ALL on board with it. I am not sure whether I will be teaching any of it or not, but it is all just so exciting.
Sometimes I just look at my life and say to myself "Really, Lord? I get all of this!" I am so blessed!
Erin
In addition, I with two other women from our church have put together a whole class on health and nutrition etc. stuff and have submitted it to Brian as something we might take the women through this Spring. I have not heard back yet, but Jena Hippe, Associate Pastor's wife, is ALL on board with it. I am not sure whether I will be teaching any of it or not, but it is all just so exciting.
Sometimes I just look at my life and say to myself "Really, Lord? I get all of this!" I am so blessed!
Erin
Monday, January 15, 2007
What's Goin' On
I sometimes feel like my blog has become more of a "what is Erin doing?" kind of place rather than a "how is Erin doing?" kind of place. I hope that changes. Though I know that most of "how" I am doing relates directly to "what" I am doing. If that makes sense.
I have been feeling pings of something brewing. I am not sure what,.....just a general sense that there is something more. I am not sure if this is disappointment with life right now, or just the general feeling that I am on the verge of something. Not sure yet.
I'll write more later, but wanted to just say Hi for now.
Erin
I have been feeling pings of something brewing. I am not sure what,.....just a general sense that there is something more. I am not sure if this is disappointment with life right now, or just the general feeling that I am on the verge of something. Not sure yet.
I'll write more later, but wanted to just say Hi for now.
Erin
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
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