It probably comes as no surprise to anyone how busy summer can get, and I am no different than most Americans....my summer has been packed-full. I apologize to those who read my blog about how long it has been since I last posted. My bad.
So, you might ask, what have I been doing this summer that has kept me oh so busy. Well....a two week trip to Hawaii fell at the beginning of August, another week-long trip to Lake Chelan happened in July, a Freedom Immersion Week last week, the Jesus' Ministry Conference in July, and then just fill in with regular stuff like, BBQs, work, etc. and it's all filled in from there.
I have had a new house-mate for the last few months. Her name is Amie and she has been great. Much better fit than the last gal. Amie is a CPA, loves to BBQ, and is warming up to my cats.
Still working for the church, and learning a ton. I think this has been the biggest thing in my life lately: learning how to balance. I am exposed to all of the stuff that happens at the church that 99% of the time no one ever hears about. This is both the good and bad stuff. I had been having a hard time learning how not to take the burdens of the stuff I know with me. There is a time and place for compassion and loving others and care and concern, but Iwas taking it to an extreme and carrying burdens I was not meant to carry. I had gotten into burn-out mode and was working all the time. Even when I was not actually at work, I was doing ministry. And so my life had been occupied with this from sunup until bed-time. I was having problems unwinding at night and sleep was a problem for me. My insomnia was back full-swing. There was literally nothing in my life that did not revolve around ministry of some sort. And, if I did take time for myself, I felt guilty about it the whole time and was consumed with thoughts of what I "should" or "could" be doing with my time. I quite literally had forgotten how to have fun! Not good.
And so, I had to recognize that I was not trusting the Lord to handle my life and the lives of those around me, it was my pride that though *I* had anything to do with fixing anyone's problems. And to realize my old patterns of fear of failure had set in and I was doing my darndest not to fail at anything, and working myself to death trying to prevent failure or to someohow prove myself to the Lord or those around me.
And so, I have learned recently, how to better rest. I was basically told by pastor Brian that I needed to take a vacation and rest. And so, a ministry trip to Hawaii basically turned into a small vacation for me as I got to stay five extra days. What a blessing. I learned to have some "me" time in my day, and I am journaling more regularly to get the thoughts and worries swirling around in my head an outlet (so not to bore you all with my daily ramblings and musings, and because I probably can't even talk about most of what I hear/know each day). I am learning to give my burdens over to the Lord: He does a much better job solving all the problems in the world than I do anyway.
Pastor Brian told me that I can save the world later, and this has been true of my mentality up until now....feeling responsible for everything and everyone. And, I just can't do it! Juggling all of my responsibilities has been tough, but I see that I HAVE to take time for me. Otherwise I will burn out by 40! I have to have things in my life that I enjoy doing, just for the sake of doing them and recognise that those things are there and a part of my original design just as much as the cool ministry-related parts of me are there too.
The Lord is still showing me areas of breakthrough that I need in regards to relationships as well. There has been a lot of breakthrough, but I am seeing areas where I still need to be refined in this.
There will probably be a lot of cool stuff coming up in the next few months. I know there are some amazing trips that we have scheduled, and I am hopeful to go on at least one more this year. We'll see! Lots of stuff is happening with YWAM, and literally the doors to the world are opening up through our ministry. I am so made for what is happening right now and I feel so incredibly blessed and privledged to be a part of what the Lord is doing!
Hope you are well!