Thursday, March 17, 2011

Do I Have Something on my Face?

Do you ever wonder how people see you?  I mean, not in a morbidly introspective kind of way, but really wonder if how people perceive  you matches with how you perceive yourself. 

When I was  growing up, I went to elementary school with a girl who was sort of socially awkward.  I mean, she just didn't "fit in" and what seemed to make it worse was that she was seemingly oblivious to this fact.  It seems to be a trend with socially awkward folks...they are almost always the last to know.  She was kind of always the fifth wheel and because my school was so small (a total of 10 girls in my whole grade) options for friendship were pretty limited.  To top it off, when someone had a party it was pretty easy to know who did or did not get invited.  Every once in a while one of the girls would have a party and invite everyone....even "awkward girl." 

Ever since then I have always been keenly aware of NOT wanting to be the pity invite or the awkward girl in a group....but sometimes I wonder if I am.  I sometimes get this irrational fear that I am saying or doing something that is actually weird and strange.  I wonder if I have some sort of booger on my face that no one is telling me about. 

In my mind I have this idea about who I am, what I am gifted at, and the plans the Lord has for me....but when I am treated a certain way, or NOT treated a certain way....I sometimes wonder if I'm really the "socially awkward girl" know, the one who doesn't even realize that she's not actually who she perceives she is.

I hear a lot that I am real, and genuine, and nice and sweet and warm and caring. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE those things about me, and I see do them too.  But, there are other aspects of me that I wonder if I am the only one who sees them.  I wonder if they just aren't as great and if I'm not as gifted as I think I am.

I'm hoping I don't have a proverbial piece of spinach between my teeth.

1 comment:

  1. HAHA. This is a hilarious post because I think we ALL wonder this at some point. It happens to me only around specific people who may not think I'm as funny as I think I am. I've NEVER thought of you as awkward or weird! :-)