Two more Pics

I took the following pictures today as I was on my way home from the grocery store. I am starting a 40-day Daniel Fast tomorrow and I had nothing appropriate to eat. As I was driving home with my food I was reflecting and praying about why I am doing this fast and all that this particular period of time represents. As I was driving down the road, I looked up and saw what you see in the pictures. Of course this kind of thing happens frequently and I am certainly not prone to see "signs" in the clouds, but I heard a whisper in my heart as I looked up and I was filled with hope and encouragement.

Picture Update

So, here are some pictures from my birthday. We went to the Melting Pot for dinner and a Mariners' game a couple of days later.

Happy Memorial Day

Well, the lawn finally got mowed, and it did NOT involve having to rent and/or borrow a cow of any sort! It only took an hour!...which is actually half an hour shorter than I thought it might take since I had to pass over several spots over and over just to get the grass the right height. I still need to weed wack and weed, but the yard is looking pretty good. If the wtheather is nice tomorrow I might spend some time out there again. I also got a new pump for my pond, and the waterfall is working again. I should really take a picture of it and add it to the blog just because it looks so neat right now. No raccoon raids in a long time due to the electric fence I have so I am enjoying being out back with an iced tea, a book and the soothing sounds of water.

I am looking for a roommate right now. Lora and Kristie both moved out and I had another gal here for a month. It is a long story and not very edifying to anyone to discuss, but the gal I had in here just did not work out. And so, I have an empty room right now. We have Freedom Immersion Week next week and the room will be used for the week with a guest, but after that, I am not sure who will be there! It is a big faith builder for me right now because without the extra rent and only having Julie to split the bills with, my finances are really tight right now. Any prayers on my behalf for the Lord to come through in this area would be greatly appreciated. I can charge groceries etc. to my credit card, but that feels like a slippery slope....eventually that bill will have to be paid too. Really, the answer is for my extra room to be rented so that I have the income from that.....It's just one of those many areas I am desperate for the Lord in right now.

The job is going well. I feel like I have really settled into a groove with it and I actually have some afternoons that are kind of relaxing and "easy," relatively speaking. It is such a mix of task and people that I think the biggest thing I am needing to balance is knowing when I need to be task-driven, and when I need to be people-driven. Sometimes it is obvious, and sometimes it isn't so obvious. Especially during Freedom Immersion Weeks when there are so many people in and out of the office and yet my work-load still needs to be taken care of. The last Immersion Week we had at one point there was probably a dozen people in the reception area and the phone rang and I literally could not hear the person on the phone due to the din of voices in the office. It was pretty comical. I still feel the pinch, however, when I do something "wrong" and need to be corrected...those old feelings of fear of failure rear their ugly head.

Women's ministry is also going well. I am being pressed a lot in this too. There is a desperate need for women to rise up in our body and shepherd the women at our church. This means me. I am fully capable of leading a small group, and yet I have not done so. There are some things in the works regarding women's ministry and I know I have to step up to the plate right now and not let my fear or lies prevent me from doing what I have been created to do.

So, there is your more detailed version of my life right now.....and in a nutshell-I just need to trust the Lord more!
Erin

Responsibility

Do you ever feel so burdened with responsibility that you just want someone to just tell you what to do so that you don't have to think about it? That's how I feel right now.

My lawn needs to be mowed in a most desperate way. Really. Chia Pets are jealous. And I look out at my lawn and I just sigh....it would be so nice to not think about the fact that a small cow could hide in the grass and wonder when I will have time to get the mower out. This is just one thing that I just so long for someone else to be responsible for. It is on the priority list to get done, it is just at the bottom of the list. The reality is that at some point it has to move up to the top, otherwise you might not be able to see the top of my house from the street. :) This is just one example of how I am learning how to balance life....what is priority and how do I know when one thing needs to take precedence over another? I don't have the answer to that right now, but if anyone knows where I can find a cow, I've got a great snack for it to eat!
Erin

OK, people seriously....

Has it really been over a month since my last post?? How does time go by so fast? So much has happened, as it always seems to be with my life, but que cera. Anyway, had my birthday, and that was fun, I will post some pics.

Life has been interesting of late. I feel like I am more desperate for the Lord to come through for me than ever before in my life, in all areas of my life: financially, with roommates, in my job, with women I am ministering to, in relationships, etc. But, I am also quite at a place of peace with it all too, because I know that there is little I can do to change my circumstances, and so it just puts you in a spot of knowing that if the Lord doesn't show up, well, He's just go to!

So much with all that is going on is just at a tension spot right now. I am not through any of it but rather right in the middle of the fire. It is a good place to be, but it is also hard. I wrote earlier that this year was supposed to be one of miracles and I have found myself questioning the Lord: "Where is the miracle in THIS?" but the Lord always says: "Ask me to show you the miracle." And, it 9 times out of 10 what I am needing to learn is the miracle. I write about how desperate I am for Him to come through and that is something I am learning. I am learning about my authority and how to confront someone out of love. I am learning more about being interdependent with those around me as roommates move on to new living situations and I am left feeling alone. I am learning about reaching out for help when I need it and not being able to rely on my own strength because I don't have enough to get me through. I am learning about knowing that what I am being asked to be responsible for, that I can do it even though I want to quit most of the time. I am learning to radically love others and that this doesn't always mean leaving them to do what is going to kill them spiritually, but instead how to speak the truth in love. I am learning that the only way for the Lord to come through is for me to be in radical prayer...but that it is hard to see what the Lord sees.....it can break your heart. I am learning more about being myself around those I would seek to know on a deeper level, and being OK if they don't want to know me back.

All of that is the miracle of this season. I have a lot going on and a lot of balls I am juggling right now and yet they are all in one form or another connected to each other. So, things are a bit tangled and messy, but I am well. I have never been closer to the Lord, and I have never felt the gentleness of His leading like I have in this last month.
May the gentleness and kindness of the Lord be yours as well.
Erin