Crazy Faith

So, in the last few weeks there have been some crazy new developments in my life.

First, I have been feeling for the last few months that my time at my current job might be coming to and end soon. I have been feeling discontent with my job. I thought for quite a while that this was just me...meaning that sometimes when feelings of discontentment come up, they can be entirely from within and our own fleshly response to circumstances. I was praying about this whole thing just before Christmas and I was reminded of a conversation a friend of mine had with our pastor a number of years ago. This conversation struck me back then and our pastors words came back to mind. He said that sometimes discontentment is the Lord's way of saying that it is time for a change. He said that sometimes the Lord allows stuff to be stirred in you as a way of spurring that change.

The more I prayed about it, the more I became convinced that this was the case with me: change was imminent. Now, just because change is on its way, does not mean that it is coming NOW. That has been the battle I have had the last few weeks: knowing change is coming, but not knowing when. My sense was possibly things could change over the summer.

Well, it appears that the changes might be coming sooner than I expected and look different than I expected.

Our church has had a very close relationship with YWAM for a number of years, and two of the four trips I have taken abroad the last few years have been to work directly with YWAM. They are almost always keen to have folks from our church come out to their bases and help in a variety of ways....praying for people, teaching, leading DTS (discipleship training schools), and other things. They have written to us asking if we could send some teams out to Europe for 3-6 months this spring. This would entail traveling to places like Hungary, Norway, Sweden, Holland, Switzerland, Germany, Spain, France, and England. We are in the process of gathering teams together to help YWAM out this Spring.

Meanwhile, here at the office we have been talking for a few months about me switching my administrative duties from the church over to our international ministry. This is the change that I thought would be coming for me. I thought that I would still be here in Tacoma and working on our international stuff from here and be able to take some trips now and again to various places.

However, it now appears that maybe, just maybe, I might be able to go to this European tour for at least a few months of the time.

This is going to require some major praying on my part. I am in need of huge financial provision for this to happen. And, maybe even more necessary, is someone to rent my house while I am gone. Not only would they have to rent it, they would have to rent it with a lot of my stuff still in it and with the idea that I would be coming home to live in it when the European trip is done. A tall order, but not too tall for the Lord.

Would you join me in praying for the Lord to provide, if this is His will? I believe that I am supposed to go for at least a chunk of this trip, and for that to happen, I need things to fall into place within the next month.
Blessings to you!
Erin

Leadership

In light of the upcoming primaries, I have been thinking a LOT lately about what it means to be a leader and what to expect out of those in leadership positions....

This is a topic that is so extensive and has so many facets and nuances that I cannot cover the extent of what this topic could be about. Nor is a blog really a forum for the fullness of what I could write here, but I thougt I would give a brief synopsis of what I have been learning lately.

There is one aspect of I have been realizing: how high my expectations are for those who are in leadership positions....whether it be in job, family, church or country. I have such a high standard and I have been wondering have I been not only expecting the wrong things from them, have I been looking for the wrong things all together? I have realized how much expect them to be perfect, more perfect than anyone could be.

The Lord has been speaking to me about how when I look at outward behavior in people I will ALWAYS be disappointed and how much I can get caught up in the details rather than the bigger picture. I won't be able to see the forest for the trees. If I am looking at things that people do right or wrong, I will ALWAYS be able to find something. I mean, I look at the Bible itself...it is littered with leaders who messed up, and messed up pretty royally too. David himself, the "leader of leaders" in the Bible slept with a married woman, got her pregnant, killed her husband to marry her, lied and covered it up!! That is a pretty hefty laundry list of sins! Yet, at the end of the day, what did the Lord say about David? He was a man after God's own heart.

And so, really, I am realizing more and more how MUCH more important the hearts of those leading me is!! Really, the Lord is ALWAYS more concerned with hearts than behaviors...you know? And so, what I am looking for in those who are leaders....what are their hearts, where are their hearts? I am crying out daily for the Lord to show me the hearts of leaders in my life: family, church, job and our country.....LORD show me their hearts!!!

I can guarantee you that those who lead will mess up...they are human and just like all of us have flesh that is wicked and deceitful above all else, they are not exempt from that! But above all, I want to know their hearts....that is what I am concerned with more than anything else. Once I believe what the Lord is showing me about their hearts, then I can proceed.

Obviously some people's hearts are harder to discern....I don't personally know President Bush for example. And so, this is taking a lot of faith on my part....to trust the Lord that He will show me what I need to know!!
Be blessed,
Erin

Calling...The Small Yeses

The previous post about promises that I typed a few weeks ago has still been rattling around in my brain a bit and I wanted to get some thoughts "on paper."

Let me start by prefacing that I think sometimes the promises of the Lord correlate to our calling. We use the word calling to indicate the thing (or things) that we feel we have been places on this planet for, the things we are passionate about and the things we feel we were meant to do. I think that each and every one of us HAS a calling....the first calling being the call to come to the Lord...the second calling being to become more like Him, and the third being those specific things that we were placed on this planet to do.

Some aspects of are calling, ARE promises. Meaning, that they will happen, they are promised to us. Period. Other aspects of our calling require a level of obedience on our part. We are required to obey for them to come to pass. It requires a devine/human cooperative.

There are some things that the Lord has called me to. He has spoken directly to them. And, when I am doing them, I feel passionate and on fire and to quote the book "How to Ruin Your Life by 40" they are my sweet spot.

However, I am realizing how so often I feel because I know what those things are that the Lord will somehow just make them happen. But what I am realizing is that those things actually more often than not require me to say yes. Even when that Yes does not seem to make a whole lot of sense. I think the Lord just wants to be able to use those who are willing to obey no matter what, and those small yeses reveal our heart: how willing are we?

I am in a season where there are things I am starting to say yes to. Just like Abraham and Joseph, if I had been given what was promised at the beginning, my character would not have been refined and I would have misused the thing the Lord had given me.

And so, I am content in the process.
Erin

The Waiting Game

John Dawson, president of YWAM spoke at our church a few weekends ago and he talked about promises that the Lord gives and how sometimes after the promise is given, there is a waiting period before the word comes to pass. John said that often when the wait is long, it is because the fruit from that promise is going to be great. Some examples would be the promise given to Abraham about a son being born, and how long he and Sarah waited for Isaac to be born. Another example would be the dreams that Joseph had and how long it took for those dreams to come to pass.

John also said that in the time between the promise given and promise fulfilled the Lord often takes us through the refiner's fire and allows stuff to be refined out of you.

It is interesting to me how at times the heat of that fire seems to be turned up and other times it seems that you have been all but fogotten. I think of Joseph and how he could have responded to the things that happened to him during those years in between, or how Abraham DID respond....right now I am in the midst of waiting for several promises of the Lord to come to pass....and in the middle of a season where the waiting feels really hard. And, I know the response I am giving is directly related to my trust in the Lord. If I trust, like Joseph in prison I wait. If I don't trust, I try to take things into my own hands and do it my way, like Abraham.

I am struggling with the wait, not to be hopeless about the promise or disappointed in the process. What this really boils down to is this, what is my relationship with the Lord like? Am I solid enough to patiently wait, or is it really a shaky thing that crumbles at the sight of struggle.
Eri

Some photos from this last summer

My friend JJ and I wine tasting in Lake Chelan

Dessert with a bunch of friends this summer

My roommate Lora and I at a Karaoke bar!

More friends and I at an event called "Love Tacoma." These events are designed to connect those who work and live in downtown Tacoma.

Roommates Lora and Kristie and I at a BBQ at my house this summer.

Oh yeah!

I almost forgot.....roommate Julie got engaged a few weeks ago and so I will be in yet another wedding. I have a few pictures from dress trying-on that I will load and a bunch from this summer and fall that I need to add too. It looks like Julie and Tim will be getting married in March and the bridesmaid dresses are still being decided upon.

For those of you wondering, the wedding I was supposed to be in about a year ago never happened. The bride and groom not only called the wedding off, they are no longer even dating. It is actually, in my opinion, a good thing. I had felt like they were rushing into things, even told the bride, but felt at peace about letting the Lord do His work, and whaddaya know....He did. Still not 100% sure what the whole story is about how it happened, but there ya have it.

Kyle and Becky (brother and sister-in-law are preggers). She is due in May and they are very excited, as are my parents. They are not yet sure what they are having, but I am going to be an aunt!

And, finally, I have a gal staying with me this week named Rosy. She is from Switzerland and it has been grand to have her with us. She leads a snowboarders Discipleship Training School in Switzerland and I am thinking.....this winter??? A trip to Switzerland to go skiing in the Alps followed by a trip up to Germany to visit my friend Michelle who lives there now? What a fun adventure that would be! I would have to save my money (see post below) but wouldn't that be fun? One of the things on my life-list is to ski in the Alps, and here is my opportunity. All I would need would be a plane ticket and spending money as I could stay with Rosy. Hmm....I am just sayin'!
Erin

It's a Record

Wow, two posts in a month...it must be record or something!

Anyway, thank you to all who either responded via commenting on the blog, via email, or even via Facebook regarding my marathon dilemma...and the dilemma is no longer a dilemma.....dun, dun, dun....I AM going to train for a marathon. In fact, the training has already started. I think I mentioned in my last blog entry that they recommend if you are not a strong runner (i.e. you don't already run longer distances) that you take as much as a year to train. This helps eliminate injury, eases you into the longer distances and just generally makes the process go smoother. So, the particular training schedule I am on takes 19 weeks to build you up to running 10 miles, then you plateau there for a while until 19 weeks before the marathon when you start building up to about 20-22 miles.

I am already learning a lot from the training even this early on. My friend Kristie, who ran the Chicago marathon says that physically, once you are up to running those higher distances, running the marathon is not that much harder on your body. But, she says that it is a huge mental challenge. And, I am seeing that even at short distances like 4 miles (side note: I can hardly believe that I am saying 4 miles is a "short" distance!). What I have noticed already is my huge tendency to want to either a. quit/stop or b. want to run the marathon, but not want to put in the work.

I have always said that Americans live in a "fast food" society: we want it all, we want it fast and we do not want to work at it. Several examples come to mind: we want to lose weight, but we want to be able to eat what we want and not have to work at self-discipline and control. We want to be out of debt, but we are not willing to put the work into cutting back expenses or not using our credit cards. We want a good job, but we are not willing to work our way up the ladder, or put the effort into going to school to get that job (or in some cases, we want to win the Lottery and not have to work at all!). We want to go on great vacations, but we charge it to our credit cards instead of saving up.

We want all of these things and yet are for the most part not willing to do our part to get them. Now, you would think that all of the discipline that I learned from losing those 50 pounds (and keeping them off for the last year and a half) would have prepared me for using that same discipline when it comes to running. Alas, this is not the case. And, maybe it is easier (I have had a lot of people tell me when I tell them about the marathon that "they could never do that.") for me than others. I do seem to have a bit more determination in me than the average person. But, that propensity to want something while not having to work at it still nips at my ankles almost ever time I run.

What I am realizing is that the first mile is always the hardest (why is that???). Once I push through those thoughts of quitting or stopping and get past that first mile, things seem to get a bit easier. However, even throughout the rest of my running, there are still moments when I hear the "just walk" phrase run through my head. In those moments, I am almost always not THAT tired. And, in fact, during the run I did last night I determined NOT to listen, and just keep going and I ended up being just fine and not at all unable to finish. In fact, I probably could have kept going for quite a while longer and been fine.

So, I can see what Kristie and others meant by how much of running can be a mental thing. It really is. I know I have thought that it is only a physical thing....how far can your muscles and bones take you. But, I see that there is a very big part of training that involves your mind and your will.

This will be an interesting journey!
Erin

Not trying to be a slacker.....I promise

OK, I know it has been like three months since I last posted, but every time I have thought about logging on to post, I have just not had time. Plus, in all honesty, life is not really that much different than it was a few months ago. In some ways life is always changing and I am always growing and learning new things, but in other ways, life seems to look a lot the same!

I had storm doors put on the front and back doors this fall. I had only had screen doors, which were great in the summer but never really did much in the winter. The doors I had added have internal screens in them, so in the summer they double as screen doors and in the winter help keep the heat in the house. My back door is pretty new and did not leak before the storm door was added, but the front door was terrible. There is already a noticeable improvement in the lack of draft from the front door.

Here is what they look like: http://www.pella.com/products/gallery/Default.asp?path=/products/storm&i=1

The garden around the house is looking cleaned up for the fall. I used to just burn out by the middle of the summer and then starting in March go through this frenzy of weeding. This year, I did a lot less gardening and so I have not felt as burned out. So, I have been actually doing a little bit of weeding this fall. I am hoping that this will equal NOT having to do as much this Spring. I have a spot in the back that is almost full shade that I am dreaming about what to do with starting this spring. Anyone with ideas for some nice shade-loving perennials??

I am hosting Thanksgiving at my place this year. I did this for the first time three years ago, and I had a blast doing it. It is hard work, and not something I would want to do every year at this point, but I am looking forward to trying my hand at it again this year. It is fun to be at my place and use some of the fun china and dishes that I normally don't use. Otherwise they just sit there and it feels like why should I even have them if I don't use them.

My friend Kristy just got back from running the Chicago Marathon and we had breakfast a few weekends ago and it got me thinking.....could I do something like this? Then, I read somewhere that Katie Holmes (nice pop-culture reference there) ran a marathon, and I remember that Oprah did one once too. And, I remembered that running one is on my life list of things to do...and so I have been thinking about doing one. Now, keep in mind that I have never run more than about 3 miles at a shot before! However, the one Kristy is thinking about doing next is in October in Dublin Ireland, and that just excites me. I know I would not be fast, but the challenge of doing one is starting to grow on me.

So, I looked up marathon training schedules and it looks like there are a few 4-month schedules and a few 5-month schedules. However, they both have you starting off running 4 or more miles...which I have never done. So, last night, I decided to go out and see.....and, I ran 4 miles! I am super-duper sore today, but I did it! So, I am seriously thinking about doing it. I figure, if I am really slow, and only run 5 miles per hour, I could still finish in between 5 and 6 hours. Slow, but it would be a finish. Kristy, and the websites I looked at all say the same thing: once you start running over 10 miles, most of the training is mental.....finishing is more a mental thing than a physical thing. So, we'll see. I really have until May (five months before the actual marathon and the beginning of a training schedule) to decide. So, I am going to start working up to see how far I can really go.....

My job is still going well. And, I feel like I am learning more and more how to have balance of things in my life. This has been SO important lately because more and more leadership is being given to me with things. Our singles ministry, which I am on the leadership team for, had a retreat and I got to speak at the retreat one morning. It is so fun. I am loving our ministry and all that goes along with it. I have even started a small group of gals off-shooting from the ministry. It has been so important to have this ministry, which is primarily focused on fellowship together because of how busy I have been with other things. I have had every area of my life stretched and pulled and more and more weight put on my shoulders and it has been such a relief to have an outlet for some fun time.

We have as a group done a bunch of fun stuff like, Mariners game, swing dancing, costume party etc. It has been nice to have a social life!

Well, that's all I can think of for now. I pray your life is well, and I will TRY to update more!
Erin

Summertime

It probably comes as no surprise to anyone how busy summer can get, and I am no different than most Americans....my summer has been packed-full. I apologize to those who read my blog about how long it has been since I last posted. My bad.

So, you might ask, what have I been doing this summer that has kept me oh so busy. Well....a two week trip to Hawaii fell at the beginning of August, another week-long trip to Lake Chelan happened in July, a Freedom Immersion Week last week, the Jesus' Ministry Conference in July, and then just fill in with regular stuff like, BBQs, work, etc. and it's all filled in from there.

I have had a new house-mate for the last few months. Her name is Amie and she has been great. Much better fit than the last gal. Amie is a CPA, loves to BBQ, and is warming up to my cats.

Still working for the church, and learning a ton. I think this has been the biggest thing in my life lately: learning how to balance. I am exposed to all of the stuff that happens at the church that 99% of the time no one ever hears about. This is both the good and bad stuff. I had been having a hard time learning how not to take the burdens of the stuff I know with me. There is a time and place for compassion and loving others and care and concern, but Iwas taking it to an extreme and carrying burdens I was not meant to carry. I had gotten into burn-out mode and was working all the time. Even when I was not actually at work, I was doing ministry. And so my life had been occupied with this from sunup until bed-time. I was having problems unwinding at night and sleep was a problem for me. My insomnia was back full-swing. There was literally nothing in my life that did not revolve around ministry of some sort. And, if I did take time for myself, I felt guilty about it the whole time and was consumed with thoughts of what I "should" or "could" be doing with my time. I quite literally had forgotten how to have fun! Not good.

And so, I had to recognize that I was not trusting the Lord to handle my life and the lives of those around me, it was my pride that though *I* had anything to do with fixing anyone's problems. And to realize my old patterns of fear of failure had set in and I was doing my darndest not to fail at anything, and working myself to death trying to prevent failure or to someohow prove myself to the Lord or those around me.

And so, I have learned recently, how to better rest. I was basically told by pastor Brian that I needed to take a vacation and rest. And so, a ministry trip to Hawaii basically turned into a small vacation for me as I got to stay five extra days. What a blessing. I learned to have some "me" time in my day, and I am journaling more regularly to get the thoughts and worries swirling around in my head an outlet (so not to bore you all with my daily ramblings and musings, and because I probably can't even talk about most of what I hear/know each day). I am learning to give my burdens over to the Lord: He does a much better job solving all the problems in the world than I do anyway.

Pastor Brian told me that I can save the world later, and this has been true of my mentality up until now....feeling responsible for everything and everyone. And, I just can't do it! Juggling all of my responsibilities has been tough, but I see that I HAVE to take time for me. Otherwise I will burn out by 40! I have to have things in my life that I enjoy doing, just for the sake of doing them and recognise that those things are there and a part of my original design just as much as the cool ministry-related parts of me are there too.

The Lord is still showing me areas of breakthrough that I need in regards to relationships as well. There has been a lot of breakthrough, but I am seeing areas where I still need to be refined in this.

There will probably be a lot of cool stuff coming up in the next few months. I know there are some amazing trips that we have scheduled, and I am hopeful to go on at least one more this year. We'll see! Lots of stuff is happening with YWAM, and literally the doors to the world are opening up through our ministry. I am so made for what is happening right now and I feel so incredibly blessed and privledged to be a part of what the Lord is doing!

Hope you are well!
Erin

Friendship

I am pondering the age-old "When Harry Met Sally" question today about whether single men and women can be friends.

If you have never seen this movie it is the story of Harry and Sally who meet and dislike each other at first but through circumstances meet up again and quickly develop a friendship. In the movie they are attracted to each other and in the end, they end up getting married. The answer in the movie seems to be: as long as there is no attraction, it is possible but the moment attraction enters the picture, it is impossible.

In college I had tons of male, single friends, and as I have gotten older, and so many of my friends have gotten married and busy, the number of male friends I have has dwindled. I have missed having a male perspective on life issues. This is one of the things I most love about working at the office: I am surrounded by men! It has been a bit refreshing to have that male perspective. And, having gone so long without those type of friendships, I am pleasantly refreshed by these new friendships.

After all, we are made in God's image: both male and female. Without both perspectives in our lives we are missing out on aspects of His character!
Erin