It probably comes as no surprise to anyone how busy summer can get, and I am no different than most Americans....my summer has been packed-full. I apologize to those who read my blog about how long it has been since I last posted. My bad.
So, you might ask, what have I been doing this summer that has kept me oh so busy. Well....a two week trip to Hawaii fell at the beginning of August, another week-long trip to Lake Chelan happened in July, a Freedom Immersion Week last week, the Jesus' Ministry Conference in July, and then just fill in with regular stuff like, BBQs, work, etc. and it's all filled in from there.
I have had a new house-mate for the last few months. Her name is Amie and she has been great. Much better fit than the last gal. Amie is a CPA, loves to BBQ, and is warming up to my cats.
Still working for the church, and learning a ton. I think this has been the biggest thing in my life lately: learning how to balance. I am exposed to all of the stuff that happens at the church that 99% of the time no one ever hears about. This is both the good and bad stuff. I had been having a hard time learning how not to take the burdens of the stuff I know with me. There is a time and place for compassion and loving others and care and concern, but Iwas taking it to an extreme and carrying burdens I was not meant to carry. I had gotten into burn-out mode and was working all the time. Even when I was not actually at work, I was doing ministry. And so my life had been occupied with this from sunup until bed-time. I was having problems unwinding at night and sleep was a problem for me. My insomnia was back full-swing. There was literally nothing in my life that did not revolve around ministry of some sort. And, if I did take time for myself, I felt guilty about it the whole time and was consumed with thoughts of what I "should" or "could" be doing with my time. I quite literally had forgotten how to have fun! Not good.
And so, I had to recognize that I was not trusting the Lord to handle my life and the lives of those around me, it was my pride that though *I* had anything to do with fixing anyone's problems. And to realize my old patterns of fear of failure had set in and I was doing my darndest not to fail at anything, and working myself to death trying to prevent failure or to someohow prove myself to the Lord or those around me.
And so, I have learned recently, how to better rest. I was basically told by pastor Brian that I needed to take a vacation and rest. And so, a ministry trip to Hawaii basically turned into a small vacation for me as I got to stay five extra days. What a blessing. I learned to have some "me" time in my day, and I am journaling more regularly to get the thoughts and worries swirling around in my head an outlet (so not to bore you all with my daily ramblings and musings, and because I probably can't even talk about most of what I hear/know each day). I am learning to give my burdens over to the Lord: He does a much better job solving all the problems in the world than I do anyway.
Pastor Brian told me that I can save the world later, and this has been true of my mentality up until now....feeling responsible for everything and everyone. And, I just can't do it! Juggling all of my responsibilities has been tough, but I see that I HAVE to take time for me. Otherwise I will burn out by 40! I have to have things in my life that I enjoy doing, just for the sake of doing them and recognise that those things are there and a part of my original design just as much as the cool ministry-related parts of me are there too.
The Lord is still showing me areas of breakthrough that I need in regards to relationships as well. There has been a lot of breakthrough, but I am seeing areas where I still need to be refined in this.
There will probably be a lot of cool stuff coming up in the next few months. I know there are some amazing trips that we have scheduled, and I am hopeful to go on at least one more this year. We'll see! Lots of stuff is happening with YWAM, and literally the doors to the world are opening up through our ministry. I am so made for what is happening right now and I feel so incredibly blessed and privledged to be a part of what the Lord is doing!
Hope you are well!
Erin
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Friendship
I am pondering the age-old "When Harry Met Sally" question today about whether single men and women can be friends.
If you have never seen this movie it is the story of Harry and Sally who meet and dislike each other at first but through circumstances meet up again and quickly develop a friendship. In the movie they are attracted to each other and in the end, they end up getting married. The answer in the movie seems to be: as long as there is no attraction, it is possible but the moment attraction enters the picture, it is impossible.
In college I had tons of male, single friends, and as I have gotten older, and so many of my friends have gotten married and busy, the number of male friends I have has dwindled. I have missed having a male perspective on life issues. This is one of the things I most love about working at the office: I am surrounded by men! It has been a bit refreshing to have that male perspective. And, having gone so long without those type of friendships, I am pleasantly refreshed by these new friendships.
After all, we are made in God's image: both male and female. Without both perspectives in our lives we are missing out on aspects of His character!
Erin
If you have never seen this movie it is the story of Harry and Sally who meet and dislike each other at first but through circumstances meet up again and quickly develop a friendship. In the movie they are attracted to each other and in the end, they end up getting married. The answer in the movie seems to be: as long as there is no attraction, it is possible but the moment attraction enters the picture, it is impossible.
In college I had tons of male, single friends, and as I have gotten older, and so many of my friends have gotten married and busy, the number of male friends I have has dwindled. I have missed having a male perspective on life issues. This is one of the things I most love about working at the office: I am surrounded by men! It has been a bit refreshing to have that male perspective. And, having gone so long without those type of friendships, I am pleasantly refreshed by these new friendships.
After all, we are made in God's image: both male and female. Without both perspectives in our lives we are missing out on aspects of His character!
Erin
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Two more Pics
I took the following pictures today as I was on my way home from the grocery store. I am starting a 40-day Daniel Fast tomorrow and I had nothing appropriate to eat. As I was driving home with my food I was reflecting and praying about why I am doing this fast and all that this particular period of time represents. As I was driving down the road, I looked up and saw what you see in the pictures. Of course this kind of thing happens frequently and I am certainly not prone to see "signs" in the clouds, but I heard a whisper in my heart as I looked up and I was filled with hope and encouragement.
Happy Memorial Day
Well, the lawn finally got mowed, and it did NOT involve having to rent and/or borrow a cow of any sort! It only took an hour!...which is actually half an hour shorter than I thought it might take since I had to pass over several spots over and over just to get the grass the right height. I still need to weed wack and weed, but the yard is looking pretty good. If the wtheather is nice tomorrow I might spend some time out there again. I also got a new pump for my pond, and the waterfall is working again. I should really take a picture of it and add it to the blog just because it looks so neat right now. No raccoon raids in a long time due to the electric fence I have so I am enjoying being out back with an iced tea, a book and the soothing sounds of water.
I am looking for a roommate right now. Lora and Kristie both moved out and I had another gal here for a month. It is a long story and not very edifying to anyone to discuss, but the gal I had in here just did not work out. And so, I have an empty room right now. We have Freedom Immersion Week next week and the room will be used for the week with a guest, but after that, I am not sure who will be there! It is a big faith builder for me right now because without the extra rent and only having Julie to split the bills with, my finances are really tight right now. Any prayers on my behalf for the Lord to come through in this area would be greatly appreciated. I can charge groceries etc. to my credit card, but that feels like a slippery slope....eventually that bill will have to be paid too. Really, the answer is for my extra room to be rented so that I have the income from that.....It's just one of those many areas I am desperate for the Lord in right now.
The job is going well. I feel like I have really settled into a groove with it and I actually have some afternoons that are kind of relaxing and "easy," relatively speaking. It is such a mix of task and people that I think the biggest thing I am needing to balance is knowing when I need to be task-driven, and when I need to be people-driven. Sometimes it is obvious, and sometimes it isn't so obvious. Especially during Freedom Immersion Weeks when there are so many people in and out of the office and yet my work-load still needs to be taken care of. The last Immersion Week we had at one point there was probably a dozen people in the reception area and the phone rang and I literally could not hear the person on the phone due to the din of voices in the office. It was pretty comical. I still feel the pinch, however, when I do something "wrong" and need to be corrected...those old feelings of fear of failure rear their ugly head.
Women's ministry is also going well. I am being pressed a lot in this too. There is a desperate need for women to rise up in our body and shepherd the women at our church. This means me. I am fully capable of leading a small group, and yet I have not done so. There are some things in the works regarding women's ministry and I know I have to step up to the plate right now and not let my fear or lies prevent me from doing what I have been created to do.
So, there is your more detailed version of my life right now.....and in a nutshell-I just need to trust the Lord more!
Erin
I am looking for a roommate right now. Lora and Kristie both moved out and I had another gal here for a month. It is a long story and not very edifying to anyone to discuss, but the gal I had in here just did not work out. And so, I have an empty room right now. We have Freedom Immersion Week next week and the room will be used for the week with a guest, but after that, I am not sure who will be there! It is a big faith builder for me right now because without the extra rent and only having Julie to split the bills with, my finances are really tight right now. Any prayers on my behalf for the Lord to come through in this area would be greatly appreciated. I can charge groceries etc. to my credit card, but that feels like a slippery slope....eventually that bill will have to be paid too. Really, the answer is for my extra room to be rented so that I have the income from that.....It's just one of those many areas I am desperate for the Lord in right now.
The job is going well. I feel like I have really settled into a groove with it and I actually have some afternoons that are kind of relaxing and "easy," relatively speaking. It is such a mix of task and people that I think the biggest thing I am needing to balance is knowing when I need to be task-driven, and when I need to be people-driven. Sometimes it is obvious, and sometimes it isn't so obvious. Especially during Freedom Immersion Weeks when there are so many people in and out of the office and yet my work-load still needs to be taken care of. The last Immersion Week we had at one point there was probably a dozen people in the reception area and the phone rang and I literally could not hear the person on the phone due to the din of voices in the office. It was pretty comical. I still feel the pinch, however, when I do something "wrong" and need to be corrected...those old feelings of fear of failure rear their ugly head.
Women's ministry is also going well. I am being pressed a lot in this too. There is a desperate need for women to rise up in our body and shepherd the women at our church. This means me. I am fully capable of leading a small group, and yet I have not done so. There are some things in the works regarding women's ministry and I know I have to step up to the plate right now and not let my fear or lies prevent me from doing what I have been created to do.
So, there is your more detailed version of my life right now.....and in a nutshell-I just need to trust the Lord more!
Erin
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Responsibility
Do you ever feel so burdened with responsibility that you just want someone to just tell you what to do so that you don't have to think about it? That's how I feel right now.
My lawn needs to be mowed in a most desperate way. Really. Chia Pets are jealous. And I look out at my lawn and I just sigh....it would be so nice to not think about the fact that a small cow could hide in the grass and wonder when I will have time to get the mower out. This is just one thing that I just so long for someone else to be responsible for. It is on the priority list to get done, it is just at the bottom of the list. The reality is that at some point it has to move up to the top, otherwise you might not be able to see the top of my house from the street. :) This is just one example of how I am learning how to balance life....what is priority and how do I know when one thing needs to take precedence over another? I don't have the answer to that right now, but if anyone knows where I can find a cow, I've got a great snack for it to eat!
Erin
My lawn needs to be mowed in a most desperate way. Really. Chia Pets are jealous. And I look out at my lawn and I just sigh....it would be so nice to not think about the fact that a small cow could hide in the grass and wonder when I will have time to get the mower out. This is just one thing that I just so long for someone else to be responsible for. It is on the priority list to get done, it is just at the bottom of the list. The reality is that at some point it has to move up to the top, otherwise you might not be able to see the top of my house from the street. :) This is just one example of how I am learning how to balance life....what is priority and how do I know when one thing needs to take precedence over another? I don't have the answer to that right now, but if anyone knows where I can find a cow, I've got a great snack for it to eat!
Erin
Saturday, May 19, 2007
OK, people seriously....
Has it really been over a month since my last post?? How does time go by so fast? So much has happened, as it always seems to be with my life, but que cera. Anyway, had my birthday, and that was fun, I will post some pics.
Life has been interesting of late. I feel like I am more desperate for the Lord to come through for me than ever before in my life, in all areas of my life: financially, with roommates, in my job, with women I am ministering to, in relationships, etc. But, I am also quite at a place of peace with it all too, because I know that there is little I can do to change my circumstances, and so it just puts you in a spot of knowing that if the Lord doesn't show up, well, He's just go to!
So much with all that is going on is just at a tension spot right now. I am not through any of it but rather right in the middle of the fire. It is a good place to be, but it is also hard. I wrote earlier that this year was supposed to be one of miracles and I have found myself questioning the Lord: "Where is the miracle in THIS?" but the Lord always says: "Ask me to show you the miracle." And, it 9 times out of 10 what I am needing to learn is the miracle. I write about how desperate I am for Him to come through and that is something I am learning. I am learning about my authority and how to confront someone out of love. I am learning more about being interdependent with those around me as roommates move on to new living situations and I am left feeling alone. I am learning about reaching out for help when I need it and not being able to rely on my own strength because I don't have enough to get me through. I am learning about knowing that what I am being asked to be responsible for, that I can do it even though I want to quit most of the time. I am learning to radically love others and that this doesn't always mean leaving them to do what is going to kill them spiritually, but instead how to speak the truth in love. I am learning that the only way for the Lord to come through is for me to be in radical prayer...but that it is hard to see what the Lord sees.....it can break your heart. I am learning more about being myself around those I would seek to know on a deeper level, and being OK if they don't want to know me back.
All of that is the miracle of this season. I have a lot going on and a lot of balls I am juggling right now and yet they are all in one form or another connected to each other. So, things are a bit tangled and messy, but I am well. I have never been closer to the Lord, and I have never felt the gentleness of His leading like I have in this last month.
May the gentleness and kindness of the Lord be yours as well.
Erin
Life has been interesting of late. I feel like I am more desperate for the Lord to come through for me than ever before in my life, in all areas of my life: financially, with roommates, in my job, with women I am ministering to, in relationships, etc. But, I am also quite at a place of peace with it all too, because I know that there is little I can do to change my circumstances, and so it just puts you in a spot of knowing that if the Lord doesn't show up, well, He's just go to!
So much with all that is going on is just at a tension spot right now. I am not through any of it but rather right in the middle of the fire. It is a good place to be, but it is also hard. I wrote earlier that this year was supposed to be one of miracles and I have found myself questioning the Lord: "Where is the miracle in THIS?" but the Lord always says: "Ask me to show you the miracle." And, it 9 times out of 10 what I am needing to learn is the miracle. I write about how desperate I am for Him to come through and that is something I am learning. I am learning about my authority and how to confront someone out of love. I am learning more about being interdependent with those around me as roommates move on to new living situations and I am left feeling alone. I am learning about reaching out for help when I need it and not being able to rely on my own strength because I don't have enough to get me through. I am learning about knowing that what I am being asked to be responsible for, that I can do it even though I want to quit most of the time. I am learning to radically love others and that this doesn't always mean leaving them to do what is going to kill them spiritually, but instead how to speak the truth in love. I am learning that the only way for the Lord to come through is for me to be in radical prayer...but that it is hard to see what the Lord sees.....it can break your heart. I am learning more about being myself around those I would seek to know on a deeper level, and being OK if they don't want to know me back.
All of that is the miracle of this season. I have a lot going on and a lot of balls I am juggling right now and yet they are all in one form or another connected to each other. So, things are a bit tangled and messy, but I am well. I have never been closer to the Lord, and I have never felt the gentleness of His leading like I have in this last month.
May the gentleness and kindness of the Lord be yours as well.
Erin
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Where to begin....
It has been a few weeks since I last wrote and the main subject of this post should be "new job" since that has taken up a majority of my time lately.
Let me start by saying, I love it. I love the people I work with. All the guys at the office are great. I love being a part of what is happening at my church and being in the middle of everything. I love that I get to see folks from the church when they come in or get to talk to them when they call or write to them when they email. I also get to communicate with people from all over the world. For example, this week we had Freedom Immersion Week at the office and 30 people from all over the globe were there in the office. I LOVE that. I love that I got to pray with and for a number of them. I love that. I even actually really like the administrative stuff that I get to do. My mind just thinks administratively.
Whew, but boy, is it a busy place, and particularly this week, I have been tired! I have been on a steep learning curve with no training. I didn't mention this in the last post, but Gretchen, the gal who used to be the office manager at our church, had her baby three weeks early and I did not get a day of training before I started! I got about a half an hour lesson on how to answer the phones and slowly people have been showing me how to do things, but really....it's been just me from day one. I wasn't super surprised that the baby came early. In fact, I think my exact words were "Of course!" I just had to walk in like I owned the place and make it mine. In some ways it is nice not to have anyone to compare to.....everything is just mine to do how I see fit. So, I have been trying to slowly adjust and change some things to be my way....but it has been hard to fit some of that in with the other job duties. I feel like I am starting to find my groove there, but it will take a bit of time.
I will try to post more later.
Erin
Let me start by saying, I love it. I love the people I work with. All the guys at the office are great. I love being a part of what is happening at my church and being in the middle of everything. I love that I get to see folks from the church when they come in or get to talk to them when they call or write to them when they email. I also get to communicate with people from all over the world. For example, this week we had Freedom Immersion Week at the office and 30 people from all over the globe were there in the office. I LOVE that. I love that I got to pray with and for a number of them. I love that. I even actually really like the administrative stuff that I get to do. My mind just thinks administratively.
Whew, but boy, is it a busy place, and particularly this week, I have been tired! I have been on a steep learning curve with no training. I didn't mention this in the last post, but Gretchen, the gal who used to be the office manager at our church, had her baby three weeks early and I did not get a day of training before I started! I got about a half an hour lesson on how to answer the phones and slowly people have been showing me how to do things, but really....it's been just me from day one. I wasn't super surprised that the baby came early. In fact, I think my exact words were "Of course!" I just had to walk in like I owned the place and make it mine. In some ways it is nice not to have anyone to compare to.....everything is just mine to do how I see fit. So, I have been trying to slowly adjust and change some things to be my way....but it has been hard to fit some of that in with the other job duties. I feel like I am starting to find my groove there, but it will take a bit of time.
I will try to post more later.
Erin
Thursday, March 29, 2007
All
I am already starting to see how this new job is going to be a refining one for me. We had our very first staff meeting today and I think I bawled through half of it. Pastor Brian was just going to step in and talk to us staff briefly before we had our meeting about upcoming events at the church etc. and it turned into a three-hour hanky-fest. He was talking about the cost of following the Lord and how we don't want to truly pay the cost. He has just come back from a trip to Turkey and has seen how true missionaries live and the cost that they pay, as well as the cost that disciples had to pay. And the bottom line is: I have not been willing to pay the cost.
There are so many things that I just hold onto so dearly and with clenched fists.....I fight to keep them and do not want to give them up. My time, my reputation, my house. You name it, and it is something I have held onto. No, the Lord is not asking me to be perfect at this yet. But, if I truly want revival to break out, if I truly want others to know the Lord, if I truly want those things it could very well cost me everything.
Giving up what is really nothing in order to gain everything is the truth of the matter. Yet I somehow still look at those things that are "nothing" and think that somehow they have merit. Where do I get that idea?
My life should be lived to serve, to come low, to obey at first ask, to love others, and I see that I do very little of that. Even today at my job, having opportunity after opportunity to just be less of "me" and more of "Jesus" to my co-workers, I am convicted of how little I did just that. How much harder to bless and serve those who are not easy to love. Yet those are the very people who need it most.
I am pressed this evening, and need more of Jesus to meet me here.
Erin
There are so many things that I just hold onto so dearly and with clenched fists.....I fight to keep them and do not want to give them up. My time, my reputation, my house. You name it, and it is something I have held onto. No, the Lord is not asking me to be perfect at this yet. But, if I truly want revival to break out, if I truly want others to know the Lord, if I truly want those things it could very well cost me everything.
Giving up what is really nothing in order to gain everything is the truth of the matter. Yet I somehow still look at those things that are "nothing" and think that somehow they have merit. Where do I get that idea?
My life should be lived to serve, to come low, to obey at first ask, to love others, and I see that I do very little of that. Even today at my job, having opportunity after opportunity to just be less of "me" and more of "Jesus" to my co-workers, I am convicted of how little I did just that. How much harder to bless and serve those who are not easy to love. Yet those are the very people who need it most.
I am pressed this evening, and need more of Jesus to meet me here.
Erin
Friday, March 23, 2007
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