Victory

I knocked it out of the park, to quote a friend. My talk(s) on Saturday were great! I was nervous off and on throughout the week leading up and even Saturday morning had flashes of being nervous. But, as soon as I got the mic and started talking it was just so natural to be up there sharing. This is how you know it is a gift from God and not yourself. Those times when you just do something and don't really know how, and can't really explain it, but you just don't have to work at it and it just flows. Not that I didn't think and plan my talk ahead, but after all that prep to just have it flow....it was not me speaking up there! I even told some jokes and was able to speak without hardly using my notes.

Several people told me I brought them to tears. I got a standing ovation and had many people who were not even present tell me that they heard about my talk.

I am hoping that it was recorded so that I have it to listen to it and maybe even upload it.
Erin

VDay Date, Job, Conference and other items

I had a date for Valentine's Day. Actually, I had a date with FOUR guys for Valentine's Day. Their names were Caedon, Caleb, Ethan and Evan and the oldest one was five, the youngest just three months. Caedon and Caleb are two boys at the school and their mom invited Erika and I over for dinner a few weeks ago. We thought we'd be babysitting while she and her husband when out to dinner, but NO! She said she and Eric, her husband, were wanting to teach her boys "how to treat a lady." So, when we arrived, Caedon and Caleb had a three presents sitting out for Erika and I, which he wanted us to open right away. Inside were Ghiradehli (mangled spelling, I know) chocolates, a heart-shaped plate that was pink and said 'love' on it, and a matching pink coffee mug. We were then offered "hors d'ourves" by the boys and Carrie (mom) taught them how to assist a lady into her chair and prompted the boys to ask us fun questions through the dinner and offer us more food and water. It had to be the cutest thing ever. I even got a kiss from Caedon at the end of the "date." It just made the whole day so fun. I have not had a single pang of any sort over my lack of a date more appropriate in age at all. It was the best.

I also talked to Chris yesterday and it looks like I start at the office on March 27th training with the current office manager, Gretchen, and then off on my own from the beginning of April forward. Should be fun. I have not had a ton of time to think about the whole thing with the conference coming up, and then the trip to Korea happening in the middle of the month too. The month between now and the end of March is proving to be one of major changes.

Lora, roommate, is also moving out during the month. She is starting up a new house with another friend where kids can come over and hang out after school etc. This is really her heart for ministry. So, I am down to two again, and looking for a third. Not stressed at all about it, but just wondering who it will be!

The conference is coming together. I am going tomorrow afternoon to buy food. One of my two talks is comletely done, and the other is just in need of some slight tweaking. Whew. I think will work on it for about 15 minutes tonight and then just take the night off of anything but crashing on the couch. I am more and more at peace with everything, and so that is great! Keep praying though!
Hope you are blessed too!
Erin

Whoa Nelly

This week is proving to be one where I will probably look back at the end of it and say "Thank you, Lord for pulling me through." Our women's conference is this Friday and Saturday. I am speaking at it twice. Considering that I used to do public speaking in front of hundreds of people, I am surprisingly nervous about it. This is the first time that the topic (women's health) will be something close to my heart and the audience will be one that I care about their opinions. When I did public speaking before, it was always in front of strangers and it was on topics I don't care about nearly as much as I care about this one. Some day, when I have spoken in front of people a lot (because I WILL do that someday), I will look back on this and smile about how the Lord prepared me by using this conference. Regardless, I am probably over-preparing and worrying about this for no reason, but I would love your prayers for peace and clarity as I prepare for those talks. If I had a ton of time to prepare, I would probably feel less stressed. However, I am also in charge of food for the conference, and working full time and all of my other committments too. I am feeling nervous about the talks and I just need to release the whole thing to the Lord. I AM called to this!

Erin

All but the details

It's all done but for the details....as of the end of this month, I will officially no longer be director of a school, but will be working in the office of our church. Details about how that will all work out are still being figured out, but it is basically happening. I will be working Tues-Fri in the office and making sure stuff runs at church on Sat. as well. I am not sure the exact tasks I will be doing, but there it is!

I have moved on a bit from the sadness earlier this week and I am now MUCH more excited about what this will entail and what it will look like. Suffice to say, I am stoked!!

Korea is also still being figured out too. WE have been having struggles with trying to figure out the details of it all and at times I have wondered if we are even going to be going. No tickets have been bought, we have no exact dates, we have no idea what we will be doing.....so, it just feels either a. really opposed or b. like we are maybe not supposed to go and are working at odds against the Lord. I am sure a little bit of "a" is in there regardless, but I am starting to wonder if this trip is even going to happen, it just feels so laborious to get the details hammered out. We'll see.

Our women's health conference is happening too. It will be the weekend of Feb. 16-18. I am giving my testimony one evening and teaching a breakout session on another evening. I am not as scared as I was, and feel overall a sense of this being something I HAVE to do. It has been fun to be on the planning team too.

I think the overall theme of the last few weeks has been: I cannot believe how much fear and insignificance are still in my "game." I have been so fearful about all of these changes, and the thing that keeps running through my head is: "Me?" Not that I shouldn't have a healthy fear in there or have a dose of humility, but it has not been false humility, it has been a very real sense of "I am not certain why I get to be the one to do these things." And the fear has been just flat out a lack of trusting the Lord. It is good to have these things surface, I cannot move forward into what I am to do with them still there. Gotta get em out!
Erin

Pain/Pleasure

It is always a marvel to me how circumstances in life can be such a mix of pain and pleasure. I have heard once that the particular area of the brain that houses pain receptors is thisclose to the part the has pleasure receptors too. I know that this is referring to physical pain/pleasure, but I think there is a spiritual context here too.

I have now been officially asked to come and work for the church. I have not given my answer yet (so no spilling the beans any New Song readers), as I am to meet with our Associate Pastor, Chris, later this week to discuss some things. But, I am almost certain my answer will be "yes." So, the "pleasure" part of this is that I will be able to more greatly pursue a part of my heart's passion and move into a deeper work of my calling that has seemed so far out of reach until now. I will get to help see our ministry spread more globally and more locally. I will be on the front lines of all that the Lord is doing in our midst. I am incredibly blessed and excited to do so and more than a wee bit scared, but that is a subject for a different post.

The pain part comes in, and really, I have been teary all day about it, because the talk has been about me starting in April. That means leaving the kids at the school soon, like my last day being right before I leave for Korea. That means not seeing the school actually become a school and being a part of the kid's lives any more. That tears my heart up just a bit. I have fallen in love with those kids and I just can't seem to think of leaving them. How my heart has changed in the last six months!!

One of the things the Lord has said about me is that I have an ability to be a "foundation layer." I can go into a place/situation/etc. and lay a solid foundation so that others can build off of what I have done and then I can move on to the next thing.

The deal is that this is the first thing that I have actually done that with and leaving the school in its "infancy" is a lot harder than I thought it would be. I feel similar to someone who is handing their child off to someone else to raise. Not that I can even begin to comprehend the pain of that, but that is what I liken it to.

The same goes for my job at Harborview. I am JUST starting to feel like I have my feet under me as far as what I am doing and getting things straightened out, and to think about leaving pains me a bit. Will the new person do XYZ right? Will they be able to handle ___? Will they have the right vision for the job etc.?

Now all of this is simply me stressing and worrying right now. I just want to do the right thing, and if that means leaving those things for the next thing, I will do it with joy. I am being called right now to exercise my trust in the Lord that He has all of my questions answered and all of the things I am thinking about under control. That feels good to know. I trust Him completely....look how things have turned out since London? How hard that was yet the bounty of fruit in my life that has happened by my obedience. So, I know as long as my heart is to obey, things will be fine.

I am just a little sad today, and I am certain that is OK. Ecclesiastes talks about there being a time to mourn, and I am mourning a bit today.
Erin

I almost forgot a BUNCH of stuff

This weekend was also full of new things regarding the school and Korea, and just stuff in general.

Let me start with Thursday night: Discipleship night at church I got there early so that I could speak with Jena about our class on health. I told her some of the details on what Peggy, Linda and I had received in prayer and she was gung-ho. What we are looking at doing is having a women's "conference" on a Friday and Saturday and follow-up with a four to six week class after the conference. She is still talking about me giving my testimony. I must say, I am filled both with complete and utter excitement and probably equal measure of terror. It is absolutely what I am made to do (teach and preach) but it still fills me with fear when I think of doing it. BUT, it is a good area to have some major breakthrough in....someday I will be doing this regularly, so it's time to get on the ball!

Thursday was also just convicting because we are starting to go through a series of videos put out by Reinhard Bonnke (do a google search on him, you'll be amazed) on evangelism and the love of the Father. Just so convicted that night on my continued lack of understanding regarding Jesus' love for us, and how evangelism is a calling for ALL believers. I had an encounter there with a gal named Julie who woks at the homeless shelter here in Tacoma and she was saying how inadequate she felt to do the job. Now, knowing this gal, she is the MOST equipped person I know for the job that she is doing. I just felt prompted by the Lord to encourage her and tell her so. I didn't think much of it at the time, as my words were simple and fairly brief, but I found out later from a mutual friend that they completely ministered to her. It is cool what the Lord does with things when your heart is to obey.

Saturday, Erika and I (preschool co-director) are helping in the preschool room at church to get it "ship-shape" after some changing that has happened in kid's ministry. So, I was not in the service. But, I did catch Pastor Brian after the service and asked him about the Korea trip. (which, by the way, is more than likely happening after deciding the only way both Erika and I can go is to switch Spring Break to a that last week in March so we can go.) It turns out that the trip is a women's prayer conference. Brian had met the lady in charge of it on a previous trip to the Kona YWAM base and she had emailed him to see if he and Christy could come. Brian told her they couldnt' and that the money would be too expensive for most people. To this she responded that they would PAY for four people to come. So, believing this to be from the Lord, Brian prayed and heard the names of the four of us who are going.

So, as we are talking Brian says to me: "Can I just hand this thing over to you and you can coordinate with the gal in Korea to get it all set up?" So, now not only am I going, not only will I be helping to teach and lead the trip when we GET there, I am in charge of GETTING us there! Basically Brian believes that the four of us are ready for the next step: doing the whole deal ourselves!! Holy Hooky-Lau (to quote Erika).

Then as if this isn't enough, Brian starts talking to me about the preschool and how necessary it feels to have a Kindergarten next year and can we work on there being one? To which I answer, Yes, we are already working on it! Kyle G. is helping us get everything set up.

Then, Brian says basically: are you sure you are called to the school and not to more international stuff? A bunch of us were just talking and thinking Kyle might be great for the school and you could come and work for us at the office and do international ministry. How would you feel about that?

Actually, at peace. That has always, always, always been my heart. From the time I was a little gal and took my first trip anywhere (which was Phoenix, by the way), I have always felt two things: missions, pastor. And, what he is telling me is that sooner rather than later, I might get to do BOTH! Now, all of this stuff about working for the church vs. the school is ALL just talk right now. So for those of you from New Song who read this, please know that NOTHING is officially happening with it. It is just crazy to think about!!

I could hardly sleep Saturday night thinking about traveling and what that could mean, but also fretting: "am I ready to give up this school?" The Lord has absolutely made me fall in love with these kids, and I am not sure I am ready to give them up. I also feel like could I really leave the school when it is in such a "baby" phase, when it's so new and barely getting started? So, I am still wrestling with these questions and wondering what purpose the Lord migh have in having me give so much to start something, only to leave it after such a short time. One of my original design posts is that I am a foundation layer, but is this foundation truly set?

Sunday Erika and I met to plan for our week, and then met with the generals of the preschool room to share some observations. After this meeting, there was another for all children's workers. Now, I am not on a ministry team, but I just felt I needed to stay. So many encouraging thngs are happening at our children's ministry, and I have been battling the feeling that it is insignificant....and just felt the Lord say: if you want victory in knowing the significance of children's ministry, you need to stay. Lots of stuff about the school: how we need one to be able to minister to these kids all week.

Couldn't sleep Sunday night either and I came into the preschool today to hear Erika had not either. So, when Christy came to pick Joshua up, we snagged her, lots of good stuff about how we can't look back after we have made a decision because if we have done it with the right heart, it will be blessed. Good stuff.

Anyway, I hope you all are having a blessed day!
Erin

George Mueller

I have been directed by the Lord to do some "George Mueller" type praying this year. For those of you who do not know who he is, he is man who ran an orphanage back in the 1800s. With this orphanage, they pretty much lived day to day. George was an incredible man of faith, however. He would pray, not tell anyone what he needed and then sit back and watch as the Lord provided.

And so, while not listing here what I need, I would love to chronical the year with this as a theme.....what have I received that I have done nothing but pray about. So, keep an eye on this blog for some miracles to occur!
Erin

Korea Anyone?

It is funny, on my last post I mentioned that I just felt like something was about to happen...well, it has. I got an email today from Pastor Brian. The two YWAM bases in South Korea want a couple of folks to come out and teach and lead a prayer ministry time for them this March. I have been asked to go. Not just go, but lead and teach the time. PLUS, this will all be paid for. It will be a ten-day trip, three days in Seoul and three days in Pusan with travel time in there too. All paid for! PLUS, getting to do the teaching! Woo hoo! I mean, I think this trip will actually be more for my own growth and breakthrough than the Koreans'!

In addition, I with two other women from our church have put together a whole class on health and nutrition etc. stuff and have submitted it to Brian as something we might take the women through this Spring. I have not heard back yet, but Jena Hippe, Associate Pastor's wife, is ALL on board with it. I am not sure whether I will be teaching any of it or not, but it is all just so exciting.

Sometimes I just look at my life and say to myself "Really, Lord? I get all of this!" I am so blessed!
Erin

What's Goin' On

I sometimes feel like my blog has become more of a "what is Erin doing?" kind of place rather than a "how is Erin doing?" kind of place. I hope that changes. Though I know that most of "how" I am doing relates directly to "what" I am doing. If that makes sense.

I have been feeling pings of something brewing. I am not sure what,.....just a general sense that there is something more. I am not sure if this is disappointment with life right now, or just the general feeling that I am on the verge of something. Not sure yet.

I'll write more later, but wanted to just say Hi for now.
Erin

SNOW!