You Say It's Your Birthday......

Na na na na nah! Yep, it is my birthday today. I am now officially 31. Heading into my 30s and not JUST 30. When did I become someone in my 30s? I don't know what 30s are supposed to feel like, but they don't feel like I thought they would. Most days I don't feel a whole lot older than I did at oh, say, 25. I mean, I AM different. The Lord has restored me a ton in the six years since I turned 25, and my 25th birthday fell right in the middle of one of the worst years of my life circumstantially. However, age-wise, I don't feel much different. I think if some of my circumstances were different....married, kids, etc. I might feel older, but other than being a home owner, life is pretty much the same as it was at 25.

It has been a while since I did an update. Life is plugging along. It has been absolutely gorgeous here the last few weeks. Temps in the high 60s/low 70s with clear skies. With everything in bloom, it is just heavenly right now. It is like a little slice of heaven in a spring that is usually rainy and overcast. Today, for example it is in the 70s, so clear out and warm that I have not brought a jacket to work with me. It is like a fun birthday present from the Lord. Since the weather has been nice, my spring fever of gardening is in full swing again. I have mowed the lawn twice already, have planted and/or moved several plants, done a TON of weeding, and just in general have been spending a lot of time outside. What fun. If my past pattern holds, I'll be burned out by July, but it's fun for now.

The home remodel is still in process. I have pretty much decided that I will do a smaller scale version of it. My upstairs will have some minor work done, and the roof will be replaced, but otherwise, that is it. I will still have room for one extra girl this way, but not overload the house. I think to have two extra girls would be probably too much. An extra bathroom would help, but that does not account for space in the kitchen (which cannot easily be expanded), nor the living room. Really it just makes sense to only add one extra. There is always the option of selling and buying larger, but I just don't have peace about that right now. So, this is the best option for now. I am also trying to sell my car to lower my debt. I would like to sell it and buy something with cash and just have a much older used car to putz around in. So far, no takers on my car, though.

Health-wise things are great. In fact, I have not been sick in months now, PTL. Especially have not been sick with anything major since this winter, which is nice. I had that stretch back this fall and winter where I felt like I was sick continually. Since then, I have been really healthy. Weight Watcher is also going well. I am now 8 pounds from goal. I was plateauing pretty much for the last two months, and have broken through that plateau this week, and lost two pounds. It is like my body just needed to take some time off. I know plateaus are pretty normal, and so I did not get frustrated, I just kept plugging away. My body seems to have just said "OK, fine! I can see you're not wanting to stay at this weight so I give up!" and I have started losing again. Funny how that works.

Getting ready for wedding stuff. Sara moves out it a week, and the wedding itself is like a month away! I got my bridesmaid dress this week and other than a few minor alterations, it fits great. It is the dress you see at the top of the page. Chantel's bridesmaid dress is not in yet.

Piano lessons are going well, also. In fact, Jason, my piano teacher has suggested that I bring my songs in so that we can start putting them to music! That sounds so fun to me! I am still having fun practicing, so far. I know, though, that as I get deeper into the hard stuff, it will take more practice.

Well that's all for now. I'll put a photo update up later!
Erin

What's New in the Zoo

Time for a weekly update, though there is not a whole lot new here. Things are just plugging along.

I have hit a snag in the home remodel, and I am seriously rethinking whether this is the Lord's will for me to do or not. The guy from our church who was going to do the work took another job. This was pretty frustrating for me because instead of telling me so that I could find a different contractor, he chose not to say anything. So, here I have been thinking things are progressing, and waiting to hear from him and not until I asked about the status of things did he tell me! He mentioned another man at our church who does contracting work, and I might give him a call just to see whether I am crazy to do this or not. His name is Jerod and he already has his contractor's license etc. We'll see and I'll keep updates on this as I know more.

I am also now unofficially (my home scale) ten pounds from my weight loss goal. I have started running again, and today I am super sore, but it feels good to be moving again. I don't think I am going to train for the race I had been thinking about running, but would like to get my miles up to the three mile mark where I was before. Plus, with the two weddings coming up very soon, I need to fit into my dresses.

We had Sara's bridal shower this last weekend, and it was a blast. I think everyone had a good time, and she got a LOT of stuff. I'll post some pictures soon. I am VERY much in need of a picture update.
Erin

Update Number Two

So, onto a continued update regarding my trip to London/Harpenden. After spending a few days in London, we met up with the rest of our group and headed out to Harpenden. Harpended is just outside of a town called Luton. It is easier to find Luton on the map than Harpenden. Let's just say, we are definately out in the coutry in Harpenden. Lots of rolling hills, sheep pastures, grass, and trees.

We arrived in Harpended and the folks hosting us at the YWAM base had a whole spread laid out for us. We got to eat and then a small group of us went on a long walk around the "town." I put that in quotes because it really isn't much of a town. That night we met with Brian and Bruce and the rest of our team and had a quick briefing on what the week would look like, what we could expect to encounter and some tips on praying for people. Basically the week was 8-10 hours a day of praying for people. Some of them had had prayer before, as this was the fifth trip we had sent a team for, and others had not. I got to pray with my good friend Erika, and we were the only "singles" team there. It would have been really easy to get smacked with insignificance about the fact that we were the only single team there. However, Bruce told me later that week that due to the fact that there were so many single gals based in Harpenden, they were very blessed to have people there who understood what they were struggling with. It was also nice because Erika and I could switch roles about halfway through the week and not get burned out praying for so long.

I have already mentioned some of my highlights in praying for people in an earlier post. I will say this, I was so fearful about praying for married men, and those who were humble, left our prayer time restored! One of my most favorite prayer times was with a married couple, and it was so amazing. My fear over it was gone. I realized that it is not me who blocks them receiving from us, it is their issues. Two of the six men we prayed for were very willing to have us pray with them, and two were "on the fence." The two who were more resistant, the Lord saved us just in time and Brian helped us with one, OJ and Suzanna helped us out with the other. Brian had mentioned that we might get people approach us outside of prayer times to ask for prayer and that did happen. But, those that were really in NEED of prayer were the ones we were there for. I am sure some people who wanted to get prayed for did not. I loved praying for these poeple. The Lord was good and met us over and over again in those times. The last night we prayed, I was so exhausted, but as soon as we started praying and the Lord started speaking it was like "Ok, I can DO this!!" I learned that I can have just as much zeal for the last person on our list as I can for the first person to come. I mean, who would think that praying for that lone, that many days in a row could be fun??

We did have some breaks in the week. One night Brian and Bruce took us all out to dinner, another night we had dinner with Lyn Green and his family (director of International Ministries with YWAM), and another night, right a bunch of us met in the lounge and stayed up late playing telephone pictionary. If you have never played this game before, it is a must. I have not laughed that hard in a LONG time. We had such a fun group over there. We all came in liking each other, but I really feel we left as friends. I just fell in love with our group. I had a dream (this is true!!) while over there that I was one of the gals from "Charlies' Angels" and so now I have a new nickname from Brian...what fun!

We finished at 1:00 on the last Friday of my trip, which was unexpected. I thought for sure we'd be going all day Friday. So, the group of us headed into London and I got another night in town. Somehow in the scurry to leave on Sunday, I missed saying goodbye to my friend Jess, who I was staying with, and so I got to see her one last time. I then took the tube Sat. morning to the airport (all by myself!!! with no help!!!) and hopped the flight back home. I tell you a nine and a half hour flight is no fun. But, to think I am only that far from going back....it is all worth it. I mean, when you think about it, nine and a half hours, while long on a plane, is really not that muc time! And, that is all the further London England is from me and me from it!!

It has been so busy since I have been back. Kyle and Becky (brother and sister-in-law) were in town last week, and so I spent a lot of time with them. Sara's bridal shower is this weekend, and this is the first one I have ever planned, so that has taken a lot of time too. Plus, catching up with my small group girls, getting back into the swing of ministry (preschool planning, choir rehersals, serving at a single mom's event, our 40 days of fasting and prayer, and planning for the Sunday school class I will be teaching), and work (working all week, and our Livable Communities Fair this Sat.) has meant that I am actually probably busier than ever. Living in the midst of all of that (laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning, cooking etc.) has been a challenge. But, the Lord sustains and does not give more than we can handle. Somewhere, in the midst of the busy-ness, I am managing to get everything done that I need to! Amen!!
Erin

Badly Needed Update

I am long overdue for an update. I apologize for going so long between them! Last week was hectic with recovering from the trip AND my brother and sister-in-law flew into town from Chicago and I had a good time with them too.

Speaking of trips, I'll do a quick update with that. I landed in London on Wed. March 15 and spent the first 5 days of my trip toodling about the city. It was so fun, and I found myself feeling slightly guilty that I was having so much fun! I got to see people I had been missing, stayed with my friend Jess, got to be a proper "tourist" and visited a lot of fun sights around the town. I got over my fear of getting lost on the tube (subway) and the bus and was able to get myself all over the city completely on my own! How fun! I went to Portabella Rd. Market and saw a ton of sights in and around the city like Westminister Abbey, the Knights Templar Temple, and a bunch of other stuff. So fun! Another hightlight of those first five days was getting to see my friends Dom and Nikki get married. It was quite unlike any wedding I have ever been to. Someone at the wedding said to me "I hope you don't think this is an actual British wedding....they have done things quite differently than anyone we know!" So, it had some unique things about it that I quite enjoyed. I'll try to put some pics up later this week. I also got to see Andrew, the youth pastor at the church and got caught up with the kids from this summer. I also got to see some of the kids too....though not long enough. Hannah, Davey, Sophie, Ibby, John, and Laura. I was hoping to see Emily and Francesca, but it didn't happen. I don't have time to get into all the details of what has happened with the youth since we were there last summer, but if the Lord prompts, please be praying for all of those kids who came to know the Lord as well as the ones who were already involved with the youth group.

I'll put an update of the second half of my trip (in Harpenden/Luton) off for another day.

Last night was our monthly outreach event at church. We combined with three other churches (Church of the Living God, Clover Creek Bible Fellowship, and The Crossing) and filled to over capacity the Pantages Theater. I would guess at the end of the night about 100 people stood up to either recommit their lives to Christ, to give their lives to Christ, or to receive prayer to break addictions etc. It was quite amazing. The choir sang, and that was so fun, as usual. I don't know that a written description of the night will quite do it justice. It was spectacular and amazing. What a treat to be a part of what is happening in our city of Tacoma!
Erin

PM for Sophie

Please email me, friend!

Glad to be Back

I'm back, and don't have a lot of time to post today, but suffice to say, the trip was amazing, wonderful, and blessed.

Highlights: someone being so set free from their passivity that during their prayer time both my prayer partner and I started crying, washing a gal's feet during another prayer time, getting people's original design and seeing them so blessed that they started crying. For my own personal self, in addition to the 8-10 hours of praying for people for five days, I got to see the city for a few days prior to heading to Harpenden. My favorite things in London: attending an Evensong service at Westminister Abbey (where Princess Diana got married), mastering the tube/bus service, and Portabella Road Market (watch Notting Hill and you'll know why). Such fun! I'll have an update with more detail later and some pictures too.
Erin

Leavin' on a Jet Plane....

But surely I know when I'll be back again!

So, tomorrow evening is the big day to head back over to Europe for a second time in a year. I am not nearly as nervous as I was the first time I flew over last August. I am perhaps MORE excited, but in a different kind of way. THIS time I am excited because I know what to expect in a lot of ways, and I am filled with absolute JOY to be able to experience those things again! It is a different kind of trip than the last time, in that I will be working with adults rather than kids, and I will be doing a LOT more praying and a LOT less outreach, but it will still be fun!

Church last night was great. Brian talked about renewing our passion, and for some, finding our passion. I was struck again by how much our church emphasizes being passionate about a specific group of people (ie the "homeless" the "single moms" the "high-schoolers" etc.). I would say for myself, as I have said before, I am not sure I feel called to a specific group of people. I feel called to teach and restore people, all people. Every time we talk about callings or passions I just feel this tug of condemnation, as though I am somehow missing out on mine, or being blocked from fully knowing my passion. It always causes me to question what I am doing and where I am going. That confusion is almost always exacerbated by the fact that inevitably someone will say something to me like "I see you working with the junior highers" or "Have you ever thought about working with our homeless outreach." See, the confusion steps in because OF COURSE I would love to work with those ministries, OF COURSE I would do a great job with them. But, when I find myself feeling the most on fire, is when I am teaching. Whether that be with my small group of gals, or at work, THAT is when I feel like "YES, this is what I was created for." And so, I just start to wonder, should I just pick a ministry and go for it? How many expectations do I have out of ministry that are just wrong? Do I believe that ministry is passionate and firey all the time and forget that a lot of ministry is just plain hard work? How much of that confusion is really my own rebellion and selfishness? I just don't know. Anyone out there have any thoughts?

However, in the midst of all of that confusion, I did get asked last night to teach three Sunday School lessons for an adult Sunday School class in Tacoma. The church we rent from meets on Sunday mornings, and their education director asked me if I would come for three Sunday mornings in May and teach their class. That was a scary and exciting thought all at the same time. There are a few topics that they are wanting someone to talk about: Christianity and the Environment. So, of course, I am the logical choice! Should be refining and fun! The church is pretty liberal in their views and beliefs, so it is not that much of a surprise that they have asked about this specific topic, but I am looking forward to the opportunity to connect with them and create bridges between their congregation and ours.

Not sure if I'll have time to post before I leave, or while I am gone, though I will have access to the internet. I'll post again for sure when I return.
Erin

One Week to Go!

I don't have a ton to update from last week. It was a busy week and full of people. On Friday night we had a women's "conference." I put that in quotes because it was really just the one night. Several women spoke on the importance of friendships, and we studied the relationship between Naomi and Ruth. There is a lot to learn about their friendship both from Ruth's point of view and from Naomi's too! Then, about 25 women got baptised that night. It was incredible. After the conference my small group came over to my house for an overnighter. We ate a bunch of food and then watched Pride and Prejudice. Yes, my "movie of all movies" came out on DVD last week, and of course, I bought it. We stayed up until close to 2 AM. (for those of you who know me well, you know how much of an accomplishement that is for me). Then, got up the next day about 9:30, had breakfast and then went down to the waterfront to play. It was so sunny a beautiful, and we had such a good time.

Later that night, after my girls had left, a bunch of us went up to Seattle for Chantel's 30th birthday. It was nice to hang out with her, as I love her dearly. It was an interesting experience for me because when we were up there I was realizing that I was not having that much fun. I wondered if there was something going on with me, or if I was just tired from the night before. But, what I realized is that some of the girls that are Chantel's closest friends do not have the same sense of humor as I do! What they find funny/amusing/ or fun to do is just not the same as me. I think this is the first time I realized that! And, as I realized it, I also realized that it's OK! I don't have to be friends with everyone, nor vice versa. It does make hanging out with Chantel a little harder than other people, if those particular friends are there. It isn't that I dislike these girls, they just have a different sense of humor than I do, and there is nothing wrong with that. It just happens.

Anyway, I leave in less than a week for London/Harpenden again. I have done little to zero getting ready, and that is OK. I have some time this weekend to get it done.

Have a great week!
Erin

Extreme Makeover: Erin Edition

Just a quick mini-update on life right now. The title of this post is really telling, I really and truly do feel like I am going through an "Extreme Makeover." The show with the same name focuses on the physical transformation that the people who participate go through, but I am really feeling like mine is a whole-person thing.

Physically: I hit the 30 lb. weight loss this week at Weight Watchers. The first 20 lbs. really flew off of me, but the last 10 have been a lot slower in coming off. I am not doing anything differently, but I think my body has gotten used to eating this way. While I am still losing, it is happening a lot more slowly these days. I think it took me three months to lose the first 20, and it has taken me three months to lose these last ten. I am now officially 15 pounds from my ultimate goal, and that is fun to see. My eyes are also really hitting their stride after the surgery. The night halos around lights has significantly improved, I hardly need to use eye drops at all, and I can hardly tell in any way that I ever even had surgery. Other than being able to see all the time, of course. I had my one week follow-up with the surgery on Thursday morning, and I am healing just fine. I can even start to wear makeup again on Friday.

Ministry: I went to our "Teen Late Night" on Friday night at a community center here in Tacoma. There are probably close to 100 kids that come to this on Fridays from 8-midnight. These kids are really the outcasts of society. I mean, the forgotten youth. It was really eye-opening for me to see. It is fantastic that they have a place to go on a Friday where there is some structure to get them off of the streets, but they really just need to be loved. I would like to commit to coming twice a month to the program to help out. The choir sang at church on Sunday night as well, and that was fun. Nothing causes me to manifest frustration, perfectionism, etc. like choir does. It stretches me and humbles me. It's great. My small group is having an overnighter this coming Friday into Saturday at my house where we are going to just have a night full of ministry with each other. There will be a movie, some popcorn and some other fun stuff too, but there will also be breakthrough. It will be fantastic. I am just in love with these girls in my group. I try to meet with at least one of them each week for coffee, and talk to one of them on the phone each week as well. This week I am having coffee on Wed. morning with one of them, and then going over to another's house to be the mediator in a roommate squable that night.

Spritually: I am having a lot of revelation related to my last post regarding recognizing how much I need Jesus to take over my life. It has been a humbling and in some ways a breaking experience. The more my eyes are opened to how little I rely on Jesus for my daily life, the more I see how pervasive my pride, control, and fear is in my life. I am recognizing how much I think I can do things on my own, especially in areas that are nemesis issues. Of coures I am still struggling with them.....because I am trying to figure them out and change them on my own instead of letting the One Who Restores come and restore me. I am just praying more and more that I would see the depth of how much I need Him. I don't know that I have prayed this ferverently for something before. I am starting to understand in a deeper way the scriptures regarding "dying to yourself." I must kill the part of me that wants to be in charge, let God be in charge, and then everything else falls into place. Some areas where I can see the Lord already begining to come in and replace old patterns is in the area of friendships. You may remember a few posts ago I was lamenting about my lack of friendships. While there is still work to be done, overall, things are improving. I have had some serious breakthrough in so many of my friendships, and the Lord is starting to open my eyes to how He can provide the fullness of those friendships. As I trust Jesus more, I am also able to trust people more. I feel a lot like a dog who has been kicked into a corner with its tail between its legs who has been taken into a loving home and starting to trust, love and be loyal again like a dog is supposed to. Not that I am a dog, but it's just a good visual picture. There are a few women that have come into my life recently that I can see potential for deeper friendship, and the Lord has also started restoring some friendships that have been broken.

Anyway, just a small update. Hope your week is blessed.
Erin

Who's on the Throne

I am having a lot of revelation this week over Christ's Lordship in my life. Instead of giving everything to Him, I push Him off the throne of my heart and take over myself. I have a lot of thoughts swirling around, and so I'll try to type this clearly and not confuse anyone.

For those who believe in Christ, we say that we have faith in Him. We believe what we have not actually seen with our own two eyes: that Christ died on a cross and took the punishment I deserve for all the bad things I do upon Himself, so that I might have eternal life. So, faith equals belief at the very minimum. Though, most would say that it takes more than just an knowledge of what Jesus did, that there is something more. Even the demons believe, yet are not saved. I can proclaim to have faith in Jesus, but is it a saving faith? We need a saving faith. What is the difference? One is in our head, the other in our heart.

If I have a saving faith, there should be evidence of that in my life. There are verses about what we do being the evidence of our faith. And really, it makes sense. If I believe something, the evidence is what I do about it. I can say "I believe it will be very cold tonight." Where is the evidence of that belief? The proof is that I go out and wrap my exposed faucet and seal up the windows from the drafty air. The statement has now moved from just knowledge, into my heart and I have done something about it.

I have always thought that the verses about faith without works being dead meant that if I have faith, I should be doing something as proof of it. And, that is partially right. However, I have thought that the ONLY proof would be in my outward service, or my outward behaviors. I have believed serving, or doing works and deeds, is proof of my faith. What I have realized, is that my view on what that verse means has been limited. What I do can be evidence of my belief, but it is not the ONLY evidence of my belief.

When I make a statement that I believe in what Jesus did for me, there should be some tangible proof that that belief is there. Not just that I KNOW what Jesus did, but that I believe it too. Here's where it goes deeper with me: I have always thought that the evidence of that belief in my life was that I went to church, that I served, that I did things for other people, that I was a good person etc. But, all that is evidence of is a head belief at best. It can be easy for those of us raised in Christian homes to learn how to behave. Plus I am sure we all know people who do good things for others but it doesn't mean that they have a belief in Jesus. Many people are "good" and it is not proof of any belief except that they should do good things to others.

There must be more! The deal is that if Jesus REALLY did what the Bible says He did, then I don't just need an understanding/knowledge/belief of that in my mind, I also need faith of that in my heart. It is not enough that I believe with my head in what Christ did, but it MUST also translate into my heart. The evidence? It won't always be service to others, there are inward proofs of that as well: Jesus must actually run my heart! The proof of that might not be outwardly evident to everyone around me, but it must be evident between Jesus and myself. My faith must go beyond rote obedience, and become as much about what transpires inside of me as it does outside of me. I must let Jesus rule my inward life as much as my outward life.

For many of us there is a block between knowing what we should be doing in our heads and believing what needs to be happening in our hearts. The block is that I have a hard time understanding just how much I NEED Jesus to do what He did for me. I must have an understading of just how badly I will mess up my life if I am left to do it on my own. I have never really felt like I was that bad of a person. I have never felt like I needed to be saved or rescued. I have had moments of desperationg but I think people who become radically converted for Christ have a deep understanding that they are totally lost without Jesus, that they really CAN'T make it without Him. Knowledge must go from my head to my heart and I must start to believe I need Jesus to rule in my my heart, not just in my deeds. The proof that I believe that is that I let Him do it!!

That is where I get stuck. I am a very capable, privileged, smart, responsible, and "good" person. I have a hard time seeing where I really, truly am in need of Jesus. It is easy to keep Him strictly in my head. Yes, I need Him to have done what He did so I won't go to Hell, but that's just a head belief. A heart belief also cries out to Jesus to come and take over my life fully

The proof that I don't have that kind of faith in my heart, that kind of belief in my need for Him is that I am the one in charge of my own life. Really. If I think about it, most of the time I live with no one but myself sitting on the throne in my heart. I don't think I can fully use enough words to convey just how much I run my own life. I think about how little evidence there is that I have heart faith in Jesus in my day to day life. It scares me at how easy it is for me to take over. Oh, I have moments where I run to Him, but overall, I would have to say that Jesus never knows me. I have done all of these deeds in His name, yet I am missing the biggest deed of all: submission. Can he really know me if I never let Him? That is where the good works of life really mean nothing. There has to be a greater submission. Jesus has to be Lord of EVERYTHING in me, or He is really Lord over nothing in me.

Another proof of Jesus being Lord, the evidence of that, is that I begin to become a new person, I begin to be transformed, I begin to think and feel more like Jesus. When I start to see that I am not OK and I let Jesus reign and I let Him take over, I begin to be more like Him. Not only in what I DO for Him, but also in what He does FOR ME! If I really believe, if I really have faith, if I really trust, then I allow Jesus territory in my whole life....not just part of it.

My heart's cry this week has been that I would see my need in a way I have not seen it before. I have never been without, and I have always been relatively "good" and so it will take the Holy Spirit to show me that I am in need of Jesus' death just as much as the murderer. In fact, I need a deeper understanding that my heart really is no different from that person's heart.....they just followed through with the wickedness and hatred. And, I struggle with that truth. I don't want to believe I am that bad, I don't want to believe that I can't make it, I don't want to believe that my "goodness" is not enough, I don't want to believe that I am needy, I don't want to in my heart-of-hearts make Jesus truly Lord and Savior of my WHOLE life. Murderers and theives will see Jesus before me if they truly make Jesus lord. Unbelief separates me from God.

Oh Lord, show me my need!
Erin