Wow, two posts in a month...it must be record or something!
Anyway, thank you to all who either responded via commenting on the blog, via email, or even via Facebook regarding my marathon dilemma...and the dilemma is no longer a dilemma.....dun, dun, dun....I AM going to train for a marathon. In fact, the training has already started. I think I mentioned in my last blog entry that they recommend if you are not a strong runner (i.e. you don't already run longer distances) that you take as much as a year to train. This helps eliminate injury, eases you into the longer distances and just generally makes the process go smoother. So, the particular training schedule I am on takes 19 weeks to build you up to running 10 miles, then you plateau there for a while until 19 weeks before the marathon when you start building up to about 20-22 miles.
I am already learning a lot from the training even this early on. My friend Kristie, who ran the Chicago marathon says that physically, once you are up to running those higher distances, running the marathon is not that much harder on your body. But, she says that it is a huge mental challenge. And, I am seeing that even at short distances like 4 miles (side note: I can hardly believe that I am saying 4 miles is a "short" distance!). What I have noticed already is my huge tendency to want to either a. quit/stop or b. want to run the marathon, but not want to put in the work.
I have always said that Americans live in a "fast food" society: we want it all, we want it fast and we do not want to work at it. Several examples come to mind: we want to lose weight, but we want to be able to eat what we want and not have to work at self-discipline and control. We want to be out of debt, but we are not willing to put the work into cutting back expenses or not using our credit cards. We want a good job, but we are not willing to work our way up the ladder, or put the effort into going to school to get that job (or in some cases, we want to win the Lottery and not have to work at all!). We want to go on great vacations, but we charge it to our credit cards instead of saving up.
We want all of these things and yet are for the most part not willing to do our part to get them. Now, you would think that all of the discipline that I learned from losing those 50 pounds (and keeping them off for the last year and a half) would have prepared me for using that same discipline when it comes to running. Alas, this is not the case. And, maybe it is easier (I have had a lot of people tell me when I tell them about the marathon that "they could never do that.") for me than others. I do seem to have a bit more determination in me than the average person. But, that propensity to want something while not having to work at it still nips at my ankles almost ever time I run.
What I am realizing is that the first mile is always the hardest (why is that???). Once I push through those thoughts of quitting or stopping and get past that first mile, things seem to get a bit easier. However, even throughout the rest of my running, there are still moments when I hear the "just walk" phrase run through my head. In those moments, I am almost always not THAT tired. And, in fact, during the run I did last night I determined NOT to listen, and just keep going and I ended up being just fine and not at all unable to finish. In fact, I probably could have kept going for quite a while longer and been fine.
So, I can see what Kristie and others meant by how much of running can be a mental thing. It really is. I know I have thought that it is only a physical thing....how far can your muscles and bones take you. But, I see that there is a very big part of training that involves your mind and your will.
This will be an interesting journey!
Erin
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
Not trying to be a slacker.....I promise
OK, I know it has been like three months since I last posted, but every time I have thought about logging on to post, I have just not had time. Plus, in all honesty, life is not really that much different than it was a few months ago. In some ways life is always changing and I am always growing and learning new things, but in other ways, life seems to look a lot the same!
I had storm doors put on the front and back doors this fall. I had only had screen doors, which were great in the summer but never really did much in the winter. The doors I had added have internal screens in them, so in the summer they double as screen doors and in the winter help keep the heat in the house. My back door is pretty new and did not leak before the storm door was added, but the front door was terrible. There is already a noticeable improvement in the lack of draft from the front door.
Here is what they look like: http://www.pella.com/products/gallery/Default.asp?path=/products/storm&i=1
The garden around the house is looking cleaned up for the fall. I used to just burn out by the middle of the summer and then starting in March go through this frenzy of weeding. This year, I did a lot less gardening and so I have not felt as burned out. So, I have been actually doing a little bit of weeding this fall. I am hoping that this will equal NOT having to do as much this Spring. I have a spot in the back that is almost full shade that I am dreaming about what to do with starting this spring. Anyone with ideas for some nice shade-loving perennials??
I am hosting Thanksgiving at my place this year. I did this for the first time three years ago, and I had a blast doing it. It is hard work, and not something I would want to do every year at this point, but I am looking forward to trying my hand at it again this year. It is fun to be at my place and use some of the fun china and dishes that I normally don't use. Otherwise they just sit there and it feels like why should I even have them if I don't use them.
My friend Kristy just got back from running the Chicago Marathon and we had breakfast a few weekends ago and it got me thinking.....could I do something like this? Then, I read somewhere that Katie Holmes (nice pop-culture reference there) ran a marathon, and I remember that Oprah did one once too. And, I remembered that running one is on my life list of things to do...and so I have been thinking about doing one. Now, keep in mind that I have never run more than about 3 miles at a shot before! However, the one Kristy is thinking about doing next is in October in Dublin Ireland, and that just excites me. I know I would not be fast, but the challenge of doing one is starting to grow on me.
So, I looked up marathon training schedules and it looks like there are a few 4-month schedules and a few 5-month schedules. However, they both have you starting off running 4 or more miles...which I have never done. So, last night, I decided to go out and see.....and, I ran 4 miles! I am super-duper sore today, but I did it! So, I am seriously thinking about doing it. I figure, if I am really slow, and only run 5 miles per hour, I could still finish in between 5 and 6 hours. Slow, but it would be a finish. Kristy, and the websites I looked at all say the same thing: once you start running over 10 miles, most of the training is mental.....finishing is more a mental thing than a physical thing. So, we'll see. I really have until May (five months before the actual marathon and the beginning of a training schedule) to decide. So, I am going to start working up to see how far I can really go.....
My job is still going well. And, I feel like I am learning more and more how to have balance of things in my life. This has been SO important lately because more and more leadership is being given to me with things. Our singles ministry, which I am on the leadership team for, had a retreat and I got to speak at the retreat one morning. It is so fun. I am loving our ministry and all that goes along with it. I have even started a small group of gals off-shooting from the ministry. It has been so important to have this ministry, which is primarily focused on fellowship together because of how busy I have been with other things. I have had every area of my life stretched and pulled and more and more weight put on my shoulders and it has been such a relief to have an outlet for some fun time.
We have as a group done a bunch of fun stuff like, Mariners game, swing dancing, costume party etc. It has been nice to have a social life!
Well, that's all I can think of for now. I pray your life is well, and I will TRY to update more!
Erin
I had storm doors put on the front and back doors this fall. I had only had screen doors, which were great in the summer but never really did much in the winter. The doors I had added have internal screens in them, so in the summer they double as screen doors and in the winter help keep the heat in the house. My back door is pretty new and did not leak before the storm door was added, but the front door was terrible. There is already a noticeable improvement in the lack of draft from the front door.
Here is what they look like: http://www.pella.com/products/gallery/Default.asp?path=/products/storm&i=1
The garden around the house is looking cleaned up for the fall. I used to just burn out by the middle of the summer and then starting in March go through this frenzy of weeding. This year, I did a lot less gardening and so I have not felt as burned out. So, I have been actually doing a little bit of weeding this fall. I am hoping that this will equal NOT having to do as much this Spring. I have a spot in the back that is almost full shade that I am dreaming about what to do with starting this spring. Anyone with ideas for some nice shade-loving perennials??I am hosting Thanksgiving at my place this year. I did this for the first time three years ago, and I had a blast doing it. It is hard work, and not something I would want to do every year at this point, but I am looking forward to trying my hand at it again this year. It is fun to be at my place and use some of the fun china and dishes that I normally don't use. Otherwise they just sit there and it feels like why should I even have them if I don't use them.
My friend Kristy just got back from running the Chicago Marathon and we had breakfast a few weekends ago and it got me thinking.....could I do something like this? Then, I read somewhere that Katie Holmes (nice pop-culture reference there) ran a marathon, and I remember that Oprah did one once too. And, I remembered that running one is on my life list of things to do...and so I have been thinking about doing one. Now, keep in mind that I have never run more than about 3 miles at a shot before! However, the one Kristy is thinking about doing next is in October in Dublin Ireland, and that just excites me. I know I would not be fast, but the challenge of doing one is starting to grow on me.
So, I looked up marathon training schedules and it looks like there are a few 4-month schedules and a few 5-month schedules. However, they both have you starting off running 4 or more miles...which I have never done. So, last night, I decided to go out and see.....and, I ran 4 miles! I am super-duper sore today, but I did it! So, I am seriously thinking about doing it. I figure, if I am really slow, and only run 5 miles per hour, I could still finish in between 5 and 6 hours. Slow, but it would be a finish. Kristy, and the websites I looked at all say the same thing: once you start running over 10 miles, most of the training is mental.....finishing is more a mental thing than a physical thing. So, we'll see. I really have until May (five months before the actual marathon and the beginning of a training schedule) to decide. So, I am going to start working up to see how far I can really go.....
My job is still going well. And, I feel like I am learning more and more how to have balance of things in my life. This has been SO important lately because more and more leadership is being given to me with things. Our singles ministry, which I am on the leadership team for, had a retreat and I got to speak at the retreat one morning. It is so fun. I am loving our ministry and all that goes along with it. I have even started a small group of gals off-shooting from the ministry. It has been so important to have this ministry, which is primarily focused on fellowship together because of how busy I have been with other things. I have had every area of my life stretched and pulled and more and more weight put on my shoulders and it has been such a relief to have an outlet for some fun time.
We have as a group done a bunch of fun stuff like, Mariners game, swing dancing, costume party etc. It has been nice to have a social life!
Well, that's all I can think of for now. I pray your life is well, and I will TRY to update more!
Erin
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Summertime
It probably comes as no surprise to anyone how busy summer can get, and I am no different than most Americans....my summer has been packed-full. I apologize to those who read my blog about how long it has been since I last posted. My bad.
So, you might ask, what have I been doing this summer that has kept me oh so busy. Well....a two week trip to Hawaii fell at the beginning of August, another week-long trip to Lake Chelan happened in July, a Freedom Immersion Week last week, the Jesus' Ministry Conference in July, and then just fill in with regular stuff like, BBQs, work, etc. and it's all filled in from there.
I have had a new house-mate for the last few months. Her name is Amie and she has been great. Much better fit than the last gal. Amie is a CPA, loves to BBQ, and is warming up to my cats.
Still working for the church, and learning a ton. I think this has been the biggest thing in my life lately: learning how to balance. I am exposed to all of the stuff that happens at the church that 99% of the time no one ever hears about. This is both the good and bad stuff. I had been having a hard time learning how not to take the burdens of the stuff I know with me. There is a time and place for compassion and loving others and care and concern, but Iwas taking it to an extreme and carrying burdens I was not meant to carry. I had gotten into burn-out mode and was working all the time. Even when I was not actually at work, I was doing ministry. And so my life had been occupied with this from sunup until bed-time. I was having problems unwinding at night and sleep was a problem for me. My insomnia was back full-swing. There was literally nothing in my life that did not revolve around ministry of some sort. And, if I did take time for myself, I felt guilty about it the whole time and was consumed with thoughts of what I "should" or "could" be doing with my time. I quite literally had forgotten how to have fun! Not good.
And so, I had to recognize that I was not trusting the Lord to handle my life and the lives of those around me, it was my pride that though *I* had anything to do with fixing anyone's problems. And to realize my old patterns of fear of failure had set in and I was doing my darndest not to fail at anything, and working myself to death trying to prevent failure or to someohow prove myself to the Lord or those around me.
And so, I have learned recently, how to better rest. I was basically told by pastor Brian that I needed to take a vacation and rest. And so, a ministry trip to Hawaii basically turned into a small vacation for me as I got to stay five extra days. What a blessing. I learned to have some "me" time in my day, and I am journaling more regularly to get the thoughts and worries swirling around in my head an outlet (so not to bore you all with my daily ramblings and musings, and because I probably can't even talk about most of what I hear/know each day). I am learning to give my burdens over to the Lord: He does a much better job solving all the problems in the world than I do anyway.
Pastor Brian told me that I can save the world later, and this has been true of my mentality up until now....feeling responsible for everything and everyone. And, I just can't do it! Juggling all of my responsibilities has been tough, but I see that I HAVE to take time for me. Otherwise I will burn out by 40! I have to have things in my life that I enjoy doing, just for the sake of doing them and recognise that those things are there and a part of my original design just as much as the cool ministry-related parts of me are there too.
The Lord is still showing me areas of breakthrough that I need in regards to relationships as well. There has been a lot of breakthrough, but I am seeing areas where I still need to be refined in this.
There will probably be a lot of cool stuff coming up in the next few months. I know there are some amazing trips that we have scheduled, and I am hopeful to go on at least one more this year. We'll see! Lots of stuff is happening with YWAM, and literally the doors to the world are opening up through our ministry. I am so made for what is happening right now and I feel so incredibly blessed and privledged to be a part of what the Lord is doing!
Hope you are well!
Erin
So, you might ask, what have I been doing this summer that has kept me oh so busy. Well....a two week trip to Hawaii fell at the beginning of August, another week-long trip to Lake Chelan happened in July, a Freedom Immersion Week last week, the Jesus' Ministry Conference in July, and then just fill in with regular stuff like, BBQs, work, etc. and it's all filled in from there.
I have had a new house-mate for the last few months. Her name is Amie and she has been great. Much better fit than the last gal. Amie is a CPA, loves to BBQ, and is warming up to my cats.
Still working for the church, and learning a ton. I think this has been the biggest thing in my life lately: learning how to balance. I am exposed to all of the stuff that happens at the church that 99% of the time no one ever hears about. This is both the good and bad stuff. I had been having a hard time learning how not to take the burdens of the stuff I know with me. There is a time and place for compassion and loving others and care and concern, but Iwas taking it to an extreme and carrying burdens I was not meant to carry. I had gotten into burn-out mode and was working all the time. Even when I was not actually at work, I was doing ministry. And so my life had been occupied with this from sunup until bed-time. I was having problems unwinding at night and sleep was a problem for me. My insomnia was back full-swing. There was literally nothing in my life that did not revolve around ministry of some sort. And, if I did take time for myself, I felt guilty about it the whole time and was consumed with thoughts of what I "should" or "could" be doing with my time. I quite literally had forgotten how to have fun! Not good.
And so, I had to recognize that I was not trusting the Lord to handle my life and the lives of those around me, it was my pride that though *I* had anything to do with fixing anyone's problems. And to realize my old patterns of fear of failure had set in and I was doing my darndest not to fail at anything, and working myself to death trying to prevent failure or to someohow prove myself to the Lord or those around me.
And so, I have learned recently, how to better rest. I was basically told by pastor Brian that I needed to take a vacation and rest. And so, a ministry trip to Hawaii basically turned into a small vacation for me as I got to stay five extra days. What a blessing. I learned to have some "me" time in my day, and I am journaling more regularly to get the thoughts and worries swirling around in my head an outlet (so not to bore you all with my daily ramblings and musings, and because I probably can't even talk about most of what I hear/know each day). I am learning to give my burdens over to the Lord: He does a much better job solving all the problems in the world than I do anyway.
Pastor Brian told me that I can save the world later, and this has been true of my mentality up until now....feeling responsible for everything and everyone. And, I just can't do it! Juggling all of my responsibilities has been tough, but I see that I HAVE to take time for me. Otherwise I will burn out by 40! I have to have things in my life that I enjoy doing, just for the sake of doing them and recognise that those things are there and a part of my original design just as much as the cool ministry-related parts of me are there too.
The Lord is still showing me areas of breakthrough that I need in regards to relationships as well. There has been a lot of breakthrough, but I am seeing areas where I still need to be refined in this.
There will probably be a lot of cool stuff coming up in the next few months. I know there are some amazing trips that we have scheduled, and I am hopeful to go on at least one more this year. We'll see! Lots of stuff is happening with YWAM, and literally the doors to the world are opening up through our ministry. I am so made for what is happening right now and I feel so incredibly blessed and privledged to be a part of what the Lord is doing!
Hope you are well!
Erin
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Friendship
I am pondering the age-old "When Harry Met Sally" question today about whether single men and women can be friends.
If you have never seen this movie it is the story of Harry and Sally who meet and dislike each other at first but through circumstances meet up again and quickly develop a friendship. In the movie they are attracted to each other and in the end, they end up getting married. The answer in the movie seems to be: as long as there is no attraction, it is possible but the moment attraction enters the picture, it is impossible.
In college I had tons of male, single friends, and as I have gotten older, and so many of my friends have gotten married and busy, the number of male friends I have has dwindled. I have missed having a male perspective on life issues. This is one of the things I most love about working at the office: I am surrounded by men! It has been a bit refreshing to have that male perspective. And, having gone so long without those type of friendships, I am pleasantly refreshed by these new friendships.
After all, we are made in God's image: both male and female. Without both perspectives in our lives we are missing out on aspects of His character!
Erin
If you have never seen this movie it is the story of Harry and Sally who meet and dislike each other at first but through circumstances meet up again and quickly develop a friendship. In the movie they are attracted to each other and in the end, they end up getting married. The answer in the movie seems to be: as long as there is no attraction, it is possible but the moment attraction enters the picture, it is impossible.
In college I had tons of male, single friends, and as I have gotten older, and so many of my friends have gotten married and busy, the number of male friends I have has dwindled. I have missed having a male perspective on life issues. This is one of the things I most love about working at the office: I am surrounded by men! It has been a bit refreshing to have that male perspective. And, having gone so long without those type of friendships, I am pleasantly refreshed by these new friendships.
After all, we are made in God's image: both male and female. Without both perspectives in our lives we are missing out on aspects of His character!
Erin
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Two more Pics
I took the following pictures today as I was on my way home from the grocery store. I am starting a 40-day Daniel Fast tomorrow and I had nothing appropriate to eat. As I was driving home with my food I was reflecting and praying about why I am doing this fast and all that this particular period of time represents. As I was driving down the road, I looked up and saw what you see in the pictures. Of course this kind of thing happens frequently and I am certainly not prone to see "signs" in the clouds, but I heard a whisper in my heart as I looked up and I was filled with hope and encouragement.
Happy Memorial Day
Well, the lawn finally got mowed, and it did NOT involve having to rent and/or borrow a cow of any sort! It only took an hour!...which is actually half an hour shorter than I thought it might take since I had to pass over several spots over and over just to get the grass the right height. I still need to weed wack and weed, but the yard is looking pretty good. If the wtheather is nice tomorrow I might spend some time out there again. I also got a new pump for my pond, and the waterfall is working again. I should really take a picture of it and add it to the blog just because it looks so neat right now. No raccoon raids in a long time due to the electric fence I have so I am enjoying being out back with an iced tea, a book and the soothing sounds of water.
I am looking for a roommate right now. Lora and Kristie both moved out and I had another gal here for a month. It is a long story and not very edifying to anyone to discuss, but the gal I had in here just did not work out. And so, I have an empty room right now. We have Freedom Immersion Week next week and the room will be used for the week with a guest, but after that, I am not sure who will be there! It is a big faith builder for me right now because without the extra rent and only having Julie to split the bills with, my finances are really tight right now. Any prayers on my behalf for the Lord to come through in this area would be greatly appreciated. I can charge groceries etc. to my credit card, but that feels like a slippery slope....eventually that bill will have to be paid too. Really, the answer is for my extra room to be rented so that I have the income from that.....It's just one of those many areas I am desperate for the Lord in right now.
The job is going well. I feel like I have really settled into a groove with it and I actually have some afternoons that are kind of relaxing and "easy," relatively speaking. It is such a mix of task and people that I think the biggest thing I am needing to balance is knowing when I need to be task-driven, and when I need to be people-driven. Sometimes it is obvious, and sometimes it isn't so obvious. Especially during Freedom Immersion Weeks when there are so many people in and out of the office and yet my work-load still needs to be taken care of. The last Immersion Week we had at one point there was probably a dozen people in the reception area and the phone rang and I literally could not hear the person on the phone due to the din of voices in the office. It was pretty comical. I still feel the pinch, however, when I do something "wrong" and need to be corrected...those old feelings of fear of failure rear their ugly head.
Women's ministry is also going well. I am being pressed a lot in this too. There is a desperate need for women to rise up in our body and shepherd the women at our church. This means me. I am fully capable of leading a small group, and yet I have not done so. There are some things in the works regarding women's ministry and I know I have to step up to the plate right now and not let my fear or lies prevent me from doing what I have been created to do.
So, there is your more detailed version of my life right now.....and in a nutshell-I just need to trust the Lord more!
Erin
I am looking for a roommate right now. Lora and Kristie both moved out and I had another gal here for a month. It is a long story and not very edifying to anyone to discuss, but the gal I had in here just did not work out. And so, I have an empty room right now. We have Freedom Immersion Week next week and the room will be used for the week with a guest, but after that, I am not sure who will be there! It is a big faith builder for me right now because without the extra rent and only having Julie to split the bills with, my finances are really tight right now. Any prayers on my behalf for the Lord to come through in this area would be greatly appreciated. I can charge groceries etc. to my credit card, but that feels like a slippery slope....eventually that bill will have to be paid too. Really, the answer is for my extra room to be rented so that I have the income from that.....It's just one of those many areas I am desperate for the Lord in right now.
The job is going well. I feel like I have really settled into a groove with it and I actually have some afternoons that are kind of relaxing and "easy," relatively speaking. It is such a mix of task and people that I think the biggest thing I am needing to balance is knowing when I need to be task-driven, and when I need to be people-driven. Sometimes it is obvious, and sometimes it isn't so obvious. Especially during Freedom Immersion Weeks when there are so many people in and out of the office and yet my work-load still needs to be taken care of. The last Immersion Week we had at one point there was probably a dozen people in the reception area and the phone rang and I literally could not hear the person on the phone due to the din of voices in the office. It was pretty comical. I still feel the pinch, however, when I do something "wrong" and need to be corrected...those old feelings of fear of failure rear their ugly head.
Women's ministry is also going well. I am being pressed a lot in this too. There is a desperate need for women to rise up in our body and shepherd the women at our church. This means me. I am fully capable of leading a small group, and yet I have not done so. There are some things in the works regarding women's ministry and I know I have to step up to the plate right now and not let my fear or lies prevent me from doing what I have been created to do.
So, there is your more detailed version of my life right now.....and in a nutshell-I just need to trust the Lord more!
Erin
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Responsibility
Do you ever feel so burdened with responsibility that you just want someone to just tell you what to do so that you don't have to think about it? That's how I feel right now.
My lawn needs to be mowed in a most desperate way. Really. Chia Pets are jealous. And I look out at my lawn and I just sigh....it would be so nice to not think about the fact that a small cow could hide in the grass and wonder when I will have time to get the mower out. This is just one thing that I just so long for someone else to be responsible for. It is on the priority list to get done, it is just at the bottom of the list. The reality is that at some point it has to move up to the top, otherwise you might not be able to see the top of my house from the street. :) This is just one example of how I am learning how to balance life....what is priority and how do I know when one thing needs to take precedence over another? I don't have the answer to that right now, but if anyone knows where I can find a cow, I've got a great snack for it to eat!
Erin
My lawn needs to be mowed in a most desperate way. Really. Chia Pets are jealous. And I look out at my lawn and I just sigh....it would be so nice to not think about the fact that a small cow could hide in the grass and wonder when I will have time to get the mower out. This is just one thing that I just so long for someone else to be responsible for. It is on the priority list to get done, it is just at the bottom of the list. The reality is that at some point it has to move up to the top, otherwise you might not be able to see the top of my house from the street. :) This is just one example of how I am learning how to balance life....what is priority and how do I know when one thing needs to take precedence over another? I don't have the answer to that right now, but if anyone knows where I can find a cow, I've got a great snack for it to eat!
Erin
Saturday, May 19, 2007
OK, people seriously....
Has it really been over a month since my last post?? How does time go by so fast? So much has happened, as it always seems to be with my life, but que cera. Anyway, had my birthday, and that was fun, I will post some pics.
Life has been interesting of late. I feel like I am more desperate for the Lord to come through for me than ever before in my life, in all areas of my life: financially, with roommates, in my job, with women I am ministering to, in relationships, etc. But, I am also quite at a place of peace with it all too, because I know that there is little I can do to change my circumstances, and so it just puts you in a spot of knowing that if the Lord doesn't show up, well, He's just go to!
So much with all that is going on is just at a tension spot right now. I am not through any of it but rather right in the middle of the fire. It is a good place to be, but it is also hard. I wrote earlier that this year was supposed to be one of miracles and I have found myself questioning the Lord: "Where is the miracle in THIS?" but the Lord always says: "Ask me to show you the miracle." And, it 9 times out of 10 what I am needing to learn is the miracle. I write about how desperate I am for Him to come through and that is something I am learning. I am learning about my authority and how to confront someone out of love. I am learning more about being interdependent with those around me as roommates move on to new living situations and I am left feeling alone. I am learning about reaching out for help when I need it and not being able to rely on my own strength because I don't have enough to get me through. I am learning about knowing that what I am being asked to be responsible for, that I can do it even though I want to quit most of the time. I am learning to radically love others and that this doesn't always mean leaving them to do what is going to kill them spiritually, but instead how to speak the truth in love. I am learning that the only way for the Lord to come through is for me to be in radical prayer...but that it is hard to see what the Lord sees.....it can break your heart. I am learning more about being myself around those I would seek to know on a deeper level, and being OK if they don't want to know me back.
All of that is the miracle of this season. I have a lot going on and a lot of balls I am juggling right now and yet they are all in one form or another connected to each other. So, things are a bit tangled and messy, but I am well. I have never been closer to the Lord, and I have never felt the gentleness of His leading like I have in this last month.
May the gentleness and kindness of the Lord be yours as well.
Erin
Life has been interesting of late. I feel like I am more desperate for the Lord to come through for me than ever before in my life, in all areas of my life: financially, with roommates, in my job, with women I am ministering to, in relationships, etc. But, I am also quite at a place of peace with it all too, because I know that there is little I can do to change my circumstances, and so it just puts you in a spot of knowing that if the Lord doesn't show up, well, He's just go to!
So much with all that is going on is just at a tension spot right now. I am not through any of it but rather right in the middle of the fire. It is a good place to be, but it is also hard. I wrote earlier that this year was supposed to be one of miracles and I have found myself questioning the Lord: "Where is the miracle in THIS?" but the Lord always says: "Ask me to show you the miracle." And, it 9 times out of 10 what I am needing to learn is the miracle. I write about how desperate I am for Him to come through and that is something I am learning. I am learning about my authority and how to confront someone out of love. I am learning more about being interdependent with those around me as roommates move on to new living situations and I am left feeling alone. I am learning about reaching out for help when I need it and not being able to rely on my own strength because I don't have enough to get me through. I am learning about knowing that what I am being asked to be responsible for, that I can do it even though I want to quit most of the time. I am learning to radically love others and that this doesn't always mean leaving them to do what is going to kill them spiritually, but instead how to speak the truth in love. I am learning that the only way for the Lord to come through is for me to be in radical prayer...but that it is hard to see what the Lord sees.....it can break your heart. I am learning more about being myself around those I would seek to know on a deeper level, and being OK if they don't want to know me back.
All of that is the miracle of this season. I have a lot going on and a lot of balls I am juggling right now and yet they are all in one form or another connected to each other. So, things are a bit tangled and messy, but I am well. I have never been closer to the Lord, and I have never felt the gentleness of His leading like I have in this last month.
May the gentleness and kindness of the Lord be yours as well.
Erin
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Where to begin....
It has been a few weeks since I last wrote and the main subject of this post should be "new job" since that has taken up a majority of my time lately.
Let me start by saying, I love it. I love the people I work with. All the guys at the office are great. I love being a part of what is happening at my church and being in the middle of everything. I love that I get to see folks from the church when they come in or get to talk to them when they call or write to them when they email. I also get to communicate with people from all over the world. For example, this week we had Freedom Immersion Week at the office and 30 people from all over the globe were there in the office. I LOVE that. I love that I got to pray with and for a number of them. I love that. I even actually really like the administrative stuff that I get to do. My mind just thinks administratively.
Whew, but boy, is it a busy place, and particularly this week, I have been tired! I have been on a steep learning curve with no training. I didn't mention this in the last post, but Gretchen, the gal who used to be the office manager at our church, had her baby three weeks early and I did not get a day of training before I started! I got about a half an hour lesson on how to answer the phones and slowly people have been showing me how to do things, but really....it's been just me from day one. I wasn't super surprised that the baby came early. In fact, I think my exact words were "Of course!" I just had to walk in like I owned the place and make it mine. In some ways it is nice not to have anyone to compare to.....everything is just mine to do how I see fit. So, I have been trying to slowly adjust and change some things to be my way....but it has been hard to fit some of that in with the other job duties. I feel like I am starting to find my groove there, but it will take a bit of time.
I will try to post more later.
Erin
Let me start by saying, I love it. I love the people I work with. All the guys at the office are great. I love being a part of what is happening at my church and being in the middle of everything. I love that I get to see folks from the church when they come in or get to talk to them when they call or write to them when they email. I also get to communicate with people from all over the world. For example, this week we had Freedom Immersion Week at the office and 30 people from all over the globe were there in the office. I LOVE that. I love that I got to pray with and for a number of them. I love that. I even actually really like the administrative stuff that I get to do. My mind just thinks administratively.
Whew, but boy, is it a busy place, and particularly this week, I have been tired! I have been on a steep learning curve with no training. I didn't mention this in the last post, but Gretchen, the gal who used to be the office manager at our church, had her baby three weeks early and I did not get a day of training before I started! I got about a half an hour lesson on how to answer the phones and slowly people have been showing me how to do things, but really....it's been just me from day one. I wasn't super surprised that the baby came early. In fact, I think my exact words were "Of course!" I just had to walk in like I owned the place and make it mine. In some ways it is nice not to have anyone to compare to.....everything is just mine to do how I see fit. So, I have been trying to slowly adjust and change some things to be my way....but it has been hard to fit some of that in with the other job duties. I feel like I am starting to find my groove there, but it will take a bit of time.
I will try to post more later.
Erin
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